This past weekend I went back to the city I grew up in to spend quality time with my family. Some family members no longer live in Texas so the days that we get to spend all together are few and far between.

It isn't always easy for families to get together and when they do it can be even less easy for everyone to get along. I think this is something that most people know as part of what comes along with having a mother, father, sisters, and brothers each with their own style, personality, way of thinking, and ways of acting.

One thing that seems to be common among most families is that no matter how extreme the feuds may be, there is an understanding that the people in our family feel love for us.

The manner in which love is shown by others can vary from being outwardly affectionate, helpful, considerate, communicative, and generous to simply saying the words “I love you” and believing that as long as we say these words out loud, that others will feel it.

In this year, I have learned that love has 3 ingredients- openness, curiosity, and acceptance. I interpret these ingredients in this way:

Openness is when you are able to open your heart and let others in. It's allowing for others to get to know you at a deeper level. This means expressing your thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, along with your fears, disappointments, and failures.

Curiosity is when you care enough to want to know more about someone else. You ask questions to get to know them better. You find out what makes them tick or what ticks them off and why. You are curious about their actions or inactions. The idea is to be curious because you care.

Acceptance is when you decide that there is no longer a need for judgement or placing blame on others. You understand that each person is different because of background, upbringing, experiences, and perspective. Acceptance is when you are able to see someone for who they really are, try to understand why they are that way, and choose to accept them unconditionally.

What is most eye opening for me about the 3 ingredients is learning that they apply to loving yourself just as much as they apply to loving others. For instance, if you are going through a difficult experience in life and you stay open to why it's happening, get curious about your emotions, and practice self acceptance, it's possible you will feel more self-love in the process.

Love isn't just a feeling. Love is a choice and a commitment that involves action.The 3 ingredients require vulnerability, effort, and letting be. The next time you are with someone you love, think about whether or not you are practicing the 3 ingredients before you say the 3 words that make a person's heart melt, soften, and feel alive.