How good of a listener are you?
Active listening is a form of communication that assures understanding, where the listener confirms what they hear from the speaker by repeating what they have heard in their own words.
As a school counselor, whenever I went into the classrooms to give guidance lessons on the importance of good self-esteem, showing integrity or how having empathy could keep you from being a bully, I began each lesson by asking the kids to listen to me with their eyes, ears, and hearts. Some of them would look at me with confusion wondering what the heart part was about and I would explain that listening with your heart meant to really care about what was being shared.
The simple act of my asking for their attention by looking at me, hearing me, and caring about what I had to say, was enough to shift the focus in the room to just me and my words. The truth is that it felt really good to have this kind of undivided attention, feeling as though my being there all of the sudden had much more meaning.
In my working with adults as a group leader for anger management and domestic violence prevention, I work to teach people communication techniques such as active listening to resolve conflicts in their lives. During our sessions, members of the group often don’t realize that they already know how to actively listen even though they may have failed at doing so in their personal relationships. There is something about being in a room with a bunch of strangers who are sharing stories of why they ended up in jail for flipping their lid that intrigues people and entices them to really listen to each other.
The moral of this story: We all know how to be active listeners. When we actively listen, we learn more, we connect better with others, we practice empathy, we may avoid conflict, and we allow others to feel heard and seen.
Isn’t that what we all want?
The next time you are hanging out with a friend, at a business meeting, engaging with your kids, talking with your mom or dad or spending time with your sweetie, remember to be present enough to listen with your eyes, your ears, and an open heart.