It's been a while since I sat down to write. I'd like to blame it on Corona Life because why not, but the truth is that it's been difficult to focus during this time. Recently, a wise friend reminded me that the energy of the planet is all stirred up and kinda whacky so naturally our own energy is going to be affected by it whether we are consciously aware of it or not.
I've struggled with ADD for the majority of my life. It runs in the ol' familia. And with ADD (or ADHD) come other things such as depression, anxiety, anger, irritability, boredom, impulsivity, difficulty focusing and short attention span. Since writing takes quite a bit of energy and focus, my mind will redirect me to do other things while my spirit whispers to me each day, “Angela, please write what you know.”
During quarantine time, I picked up a book from the little library box in our neighborhood called Bird by Bird Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. This book has been both entertaining and informative. There is a chapter called Perfectionism where she says, “perfectionism will ruin your writing, blocking inventiveness and playfulness and life force. Perfectionism means that you try desperately not to leave so much mess to clean up. But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived.”
This got me thinking about my own perfectionism and all the ways I've worked with it by loving, despising, resisting, and then accepting this part of me. The perfectionist that at one time was a huge Self protector but then ultimately became a big source of feeling shame and inadequacy.
My current stance on this topic of being perfect or feeling that we need to be perfect leads to some of the A's I try to practice daily and share with my clients. I like to refer to these as states of being that create expansion, connection, and more love.
Rather than seeing yourself as needing to be perfect, you could practice being Aware of your process and Acknowledge your progress.
When we Allow ourselves the space to be exactly who we are today (now), rather than who we think we need to be, we move towards feeling greater Acceptance of Self. As as result, we are able to give Attention to things, to others, to life in a completely new, present and whole way.
No longer trying to fix ourselves (or others) so we can feel better. We simply remember to be conscious enough to practice the 5 A's as often as possible. The magic of being in these states is that the more we practice them with our Self, the more ease we feel in being this way with our loved ones.
This isn't taught to us by our parents or our teachers in school. I'm not exactly sure why. If we learned the 5 A's in Kindergarten and were given guidance on how to practice them daily, perhaps we would be different humans living in a much different kind of world.
As for me personally, I have decided to try and makes these the pillars of what I hope will be a long, happy and fruitful marriage. A quick example on how to practice all 5 A's at once is to make it a habit to look at my partner and gaze into his beautiful eyes. Sometimes, he gets squirmy about it at first and then once we have locked eyes, he remembers what it's about.
I will write them here again for you to ponder and begin to practice. These are in no perfect order:
Be Aware
Give Your Attention
Offer Acknowledgement
Let Go of Control and Allow
Accept What Is
Reminder peoples: All any of us humans ever truly want is to feel seen, heard, felt, understood, and above all...Accepted just as we are. This is Love. Always has been, Always will be.
Irving Park - July 5, 2020