I wonder who in this country isn't feeling vulnerable right about now?

Thankfully a week before election day, I decided to go to Portland's famous Powell's bookstore in search of Brene Brown's book called Daring Greatly. It felt serendipitous that I was reading a book on shame and vulnerability during the time that election results came out because those were the two predominant emotions I felt when seeing the country mostly covered in red.

I've known about Brene's work since 2012 when I watched her famous ted talk called the power of vulnerability. Since then, I've referred her to my clients who struggle with feeling shame or have difficulty being vulnerable until having the realization that I needed to dive more deeply into these topics myself if I was going to encourage others to explore her work.

Who doesn't have trouble being completely open about their feelings?

Especially their most uncomfortable feelings like shame, rejection, abandonment, rage, guilt, jealousy, insecurity, inadequacy and the Big one...Fear.

Who doesn't feel embarrassed to share the things they feel shame about?

The shock of November 8th felt like a disturbing wake up call. It was as though a veil had been lifted with many people in America making a choice that screamed out 'let's be transparent, we don't like non white people, and it's time for America to be great again by making it all white again'.

As a brown person born and raised in America with immigrant parents, I know what it feels like to be vulnerable because of the color of your skin, eyes, and hair. I've felt powerless and susceptible in moments where it was clear I was being discriminated against because I looked different or because my parents spoke to me in a language that wasn't English.

Feeling vulnerable is scary, but only if you allow it to be. Vulnerable defined is susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. Another definition is...(of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect. Both of these definitions make it sound like vulnerable means you are weak and helpless.

On the contrary, Brene Brown teaches us that “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

She shares examples of how men and women have defined vulnerable and since reading Daring Greatly, I have been on a mission to practice vulnerability in my own life. It's been daunting and at the same time extremely liberating! To put my stuff out there and allow for myself to be seen and known without feeling afraid of the outcome.

The beauty in this, is knowing that when you begin to open up and share your deepest, most honest thoughts and feelings, you are actually serving both you and another because you get to voice your truth and they get to hear it. We all know that the truth is a gift even if it sometimes hurts.

Regardless of whether or not, your desired outcome happens, I've discovered that learning how to be vulnerable and practicing vulnerability in relationships with others, teaches us some of life's greatest lessons:

value yourself.
have courage.
get more in touch what what you really feel and think.
understand what you need in order to feel whole and happy.

communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs more clearly.
know yourself enough to share yourself in a way that allows for you to be seen and heard.
feel your feelings even when they hurt; they are messages from your heart.
open up to you first, then let others in because now you can show them the way.
be raw sometimes. raw is real.
take actions that feel risky because they grow your confidence and self worth.
speak words that matter to the heart, not the brain or the ego.
love yourself so you can really know how to love another.
tell someone you feel scared and then ask them to hold you...for as long as you need.

One more of Brene Brown's quotes:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

Now go out there and open up to someone you know or someone you don't know. Tell them something about you. Connect. What do you have to lose?

One remedy for this country is to stop looking at each other as different and instead see one another as reflections of each other. We are all human beings that are trying to 'be' in the best way we know how. United we stand, divided we fall. Love trumps Fear.