Wow...what a whirlwind life has been for me in the last few months. The year 2015 turned out to be anything but dull, and mostly a year of much change and more continued growth. It's astonishing how things unfold in a way that so often in the moment has you gripping on tightly with feelings of worry and anticipation of what is next, only to later on reflect back on the entire experience with a sigh of relief and understanding of the WHY it all happened.
I would have to say that 2015 was definitely a year of more intensified rooting and connecting in order for me to figure out my path and experience a deeper sense of grounding. The good news is that my mindfulness practices helped me along the way to get clear, stay focused, and remain calm breath by breath as I cultivated even more awareness of what I want, who I am, what is important to me, and where I want to be. Living like a gypsy for the last half of the year was a process that involved me uprooting in order for me to know where I wanted to ground down to grow stronger roots.
Gypsy living, let's just say...it ain't no place for the weary kind like Ryan Bingham sings in his song. Ironically I was blessed to have been invited to see and hear him on Halloween of 2015. Through the experience of living like a gypsy with no place to call my home, the Buddhist teaching on impermanence became a comforting reality for me as I reminded myself daily that this lifestyle would not be for forever. A few of the lyrics in Bingham's song read:
And this ain't no place for the weary kind
This ain't no place to lose your mind
This ain't no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try
After having finally finished all the hours I needed to get licensed (which I was able to do in two years like I had planned), I ventured out to Hawaii to see about this place called Maui which everyone who knows me, knows that this place is nearest and dearest to my heart. It's a spectacularly beautiful place where healing happens and mindful living comes naturally. I went to Maui to just be. To unwind. To set my spirit free from all the stories I had been told by people who needed to share them in order to feel again, to heal, and understand how to manage their pain by no longer suppressing it. Maui was good to me. It gave me what I needed to mindfully nourish myself through the sights and sounds of ocean, sun, sky, sea creatures, waterfalls, and glorious trees.
Upon returning from Maui, I experienced more of life with what felt like a hard wooden paddle and I'm not talking about the kind of paddle you would use for outdoor pleasure activities. No, this was the kind of paddle that really hurts when you get hit with it. A painful dose of reality after having been living in paradise, but again...I realized that it was a blessing in disguise that pushed me towards deeper growth and acceptance of what I truly want and how resilient I can be.
Life after Maui became an experiment on impermanence as my perception of what it meant was dissected and explored like a science project. Buddhists believe impermanence is an essential mark of existence that expresses the notion that all of conditioned existence, without exception, is temporary, or in a constant state of flux. Living like a gypsy tested my faith in this belief and my capacity to keep moving forward regardless of whether or not I had my life figured out. I was so incredibly fortunate to have been helped by the angels otherwise known as good people that the universe has blessed me with knowing as my friends. Thank God for friends.
During this time, I lived minimally with what I needed in order to be comfortable and amazingly enough, I felt very at home in the places where I stayed. I went from house sitting, to cat sitting, to kid sitting, to more cat sitting, and back to house sitting as I steadily searched to figure out my work situation and life as a newly licensed LPC. It's amazing how hard you work to get these 3 letters after your name only to discover that once you get the letters, there is no actual guarantee that things will be any different, much less easier.
After a few months of job searching in Austin with very few doors opening up, I stumbled upon a wide open door offering the best of all opportunities presented and it just so happened to be an opportunity attached with a big change, something that I had been longing for from as far back as 2011. In early December 2015, after 10 days of much contemplation, I decided that I would be moving to Portland, Oregon to see about this opportunity, to meet new people, and to admire more glorious trees. As an outdoor enthusiast, I am certain that despite the potential downpours, I will bask in something other than the sun and this will be greenery.
The 3 day road trip with my brother was a very unexpected and pleasant surprise that turned out to be one of 2015's most special blessings. His genuine kind heart and calm nature carried me through to the very end of 2015's roller coaster ride of highs and lows, achievements, uncertainty, growth, and big decisions leading me into the new year. Portland greeted me with a snowy day which happens as rarely as once or twice a year. So far the city has been good to me. After the snow and ice melted away, the sun came out in short snippets for a whole week straight. I have met some very nice people both in and outside of work who I think will turn out to be the angels I was meant to meet and call my friends in the Pacific Northwest.
I feel so happy to have a home again where my gypsy spirit can now rest.
The blessings I am grateful for from 2015 are:
- growing stonger connection with friends and family
- learning to set personal boundaries in relationships
- knowing when to walk away
- being true to myself
- practicing self love and actually feeling it
- gaining a deeper understanding of what it means to live by faith
- trusting myself and others more
- becoming a more positive thinker and person (always a work in progress)
- accepting things as they are and striving to be present in each moment
- having a courageous spirit to take risks and flow with change
The discoveries I've made in 2016 are:
- that moving to another state isn't as scary as it sounds
- people in Portland are very nice and personable
- the radio stations in Portland rock
- that the sun actually does come out here from time to time
- rain doesn't have to stop you from being outside and doing things
- driving in the rain makes you a more cautious and mindful driver
- working in a group practice with other therapists is a breath of fresh air because we are birds of a feather supporting one another
- each passing year of life is another opportunity for growth and understanding
