What do you base your self worth on?
Here is me being vulnerable and real with you about what I don’t and what I do base my worth on.
I DON'T base my worth on:
-the attractiveness of my face or body because true beauty comes from within.
-the size of my bank account because money does not define my value.
-the job I go to each day because I don’t live to work, I work to live.
-how many friends I have because quality means more than quantity.
-what my parents think about me because although their opinions matter, they are not perfect either.
- what people say about me because I've learned that when people talk about others, they are mostly criticizing what they don't like about themselves.
-how much a man loves me because having a partner is a part of life, not life itself.
-being a mother because giving birth to another human being doesn’t make you who you are.
-how I think others perceive me because there is no validity in one person's perception.
-the degrees, certifications or licenses I’ve earned because they are just pieces of paper that confirm I made an effort and showed discipline. Nothing more.
-the color of my skin because skin sheds. It’s just an outside layer that protects my inside world. No one color is better than the other.
-people's love for me because how others love me is incomparable to the love I can feel and show myself.
-my achievements because they are things I’ve done well, but I am a human being, not a human doing.
-things like cars, clothes, and other material objects because stuff is just stuff. When I’m on my deathbed, I won’t be thinking about stuff.
-whether or not I receive praise from others because the most important words I need to hear come from inside me.
I DO base my worth on:
-my relationship with God and how often I am able to trust that I am being taken care of.
-how often I practice living with faith rather than with fear.
-the ways that I take care of myself each day.
-how nicely I talk to myself and others.
-how well I listen to myself to meet my own needs.
-choices I make moment to moment that either nourish me or deplete me.
-the compassion, patience, consideration, and love I show others.
-my ability to be flexible in difficult situations.
-the relationships I make effort to cultivate and grow.
-my capacity to remain calm rather than be reactive.
-practicing perseverance in the midst of a challenge rather than giving up.
-how closely I live my life in alignment with my truth and my dreams.
-mindfully communicating my thoughts, feelings, and needs with others.
-the thoughts in my head that I choose to listen to and believe.
-my willingness to follow through with a goal I have set for myself.
-practicing acceptance of what is, rather than what I want it to be.
-the quality of my interactions with people I work with, those I love, and even strangers.
-my ability to keep my word and show integrity.
My Self worth is a process that waxes and wanes. It does not stay the same because I myself am a process that is constantly changing, cultivating, engaging, and rearranging.
If there is one thing I have learned in the last 6 years of working as a psychotherapist, it's that people suffer most from the relationship they have with their own Self. They think they are suffering from a toxic relationship, feelings of rejection from others, not having enough, not being given enough praise, not being respected or loved in the way they long to feel love.
All of this begins with Self. We are the captains of our own vessel.
- If you are in a toxic relationship, learn to set boundaries, demand respect or leave.
-If you feel rejected by others, notice if you are often rejecting yourself.
-If you focus on not having enough, ask yourself when the last time was that you felt gratitude for what you do have?
-If you feel you aren't being given enough praise from others, begin with giving yourself praise rather than expecting it to come from someone else.
-If you feel you aren't being respected or loved in the way you need, pay attention to how you are showing yourself respect and love.
Recently, I heard a quote in a movie 'Dreams are the seeds of action'. This led me to think that our dreams might possibly be the root of our Self Worth because when we truly listen to our dreams, we are listening to what our highest Self is calling us to do. When we take actions that align with our dreams, we are being true to our heart and spirit.
When was the last time, you heard your dreams tell you to 'make more money' or 'buy the bigger house' or 'drive the expensive car'? These are not dreams, these are desires which mostly stem from a place of lack or insecurity.
I believe that our dreams whisper things of more substance such as 'create something with your hands' or 'write a book' or 'tell your story anyway you know how to' or 'build a family' or 'design your life the way you want it to feel' or 'do what you love to do as much as possible' or 'experience something new'.
My dreams encourage me to write from my heart. To speak my truth on paper and share with others in hopes that they may gain insight or feel some sort of healing from it.
If I could sum up in a few words what I think about Self Worth, I would say that your worth depends solely on how you view you, how you treat you, and how you choose to think, feel, and act in accordance with what you want and what you believe will make your dreams come to life.