The title of the this post comes from a song by The Police called Wrapped Around Your Finger. Thank God for the 80’s and all of it's amazing artists!
This past Friday through Sunday was Weekend #2 of the 9-month Breathwork Training I signed up for last September. It was an intense 3 days of focusing on our shadow to better understand how our shadow shows up in our daily lives and the ways that we either relate with it or try to push it away.
The first breathwork event I attended was on the Fall equinox in 2022 with no clue that about a year later I would be making the decision to become a breathwork facilitator. In mid January of 2023, I attended a 2nd breathwork event with my husband Chris and a few of my clients who I had wanted to introduce to this healing modality.
Both breathworks brought up a lot for me that I was able to dance through, breathe through, cry through, scream through, shake out and shake off. Think of breath work as a group meditation where everyone has their own yoga mat/space with pillows, blankets, whatever is needed to feel comfortable.
The lights go out and the music begins as you feel the vibrations of the sound pulsate through the vibrating strings of energy inside your body. It doesn’t take long for you to begin feeling and sensing in a way that helps you start to get out of your conscious mind and into the other 90% of your mind which lives in your body – the subconscious and the unconscious.
What happens from there is a mystery and cannot be described in any one way because there are no two people with the same story, perception, experiences, mind, body, spirit and soul. Imagine that what does occur is what needs to come to the surface so that it can be felt, processed, and better understood so that it can be cleared out. Let’s call breathwork a type of cleansing, a detoxification where the power of your breath and your body work together to move energy upward and outward so that you can feel less heavy and less tension as you move towards feeling more aligned to your essence which is love, peace, joy, and light.
Going back to this past weekend, the breathwork was able to shed light on my shadow and the ways that it shows up/has shown up throughout most of my life. Before going into breathwork on Saturday, we did a guided meditation on Friday where I was able to identify my shadow as the part of me that feels fear and shame, the part of me that plays the judger and sometimes criticizes others to keep them at arm’s length. My shadow and I relate to one another like old friends because we have spent so much time together beginning in childhood and into adulthood.
During the breathwork, I learned that my shadow is also my anxiety and my depression. It’s the part of me that sometimes feels hopeless or defeated and just wants to give up on living because it’s too painful or it feels too hard to stay afloat. Fear and shame are the root, they the darkest parts of my shadow that lead me to want to give up or give in when the sadness or despair feel too strong and try to convince me that I am separate from everything and everyone.
All that I share here is new information that I haven’t ever quite been able to understand at this level. It’s awareness that helps me to acknowledge one of the most important aspects of myself which is my darkness.
I cannot know my light without first knowing my darkness. I cannot grow only in the light because each day I come to better understand that growth comes from discomfort. We as humans normally don’t experience discomfort in the light. It is in the dark that we meet our most fragile and vulnerable parts. The parts of us that need our attention, our compassion, our acceptance, our love. The parts that crack us open so that the light can get in and shine through.
After such a full and intensive weekend where we as a collective of 9 women did the work, our work, I left the training on Sunday night feeling fulfilled, open, tender, exhausted, and deprived of the light that can only be felt outside.
Today, I treated myself in the ways that I know my Self wants and needs. I slept until noon and then went on a hike to be with the wonderful great outdoors just 24-minutes away from home…to the Columbia Gorge!
The sun was peeking out, the air felt crisp, and the winds picked up while I walked along Cape Horn Trail. Parts of the trail were affected by the recent snow and ice storm that came through in mid-January. There were moments I felt fear to walk on the snow and ice at higher elevations. At one point, my fear and anxiety told me to stop and turn around, but I chose not to listen. I made a conscious choice to quiet my shadow and tell it that we would keep going to see the light we came to experience.
When reaching my destination at the 2nd viewpoint, I looked out to the Gorge to be greeted by the dark and the light in the skies. It was magnificent! And just what I needed to help my weekend’s experience come full circle. On the drive home from the hike, I was captivated by what felt like my dark and my light reflected back at me through the paintings of the sunset.
Life truly is magical. When you open your eyes and begin to notice, you will find that everything around you is working together to hold you, teach you, love you, and give you exactly what you need. My relationship with my shadow will be forever changed because of my breath, my body, and the teachings that earth continuously offers through her love, energy and presence. Shadow has been and always will be wrapped around my finger just as I too will be wrapped around it.
Stay tuned for when Root&Connect will begin to offer opportunities for more movement/ practices to BE more in our bodies in the forms of: Yoga, Breathwork & Intuitive Groove Dance Nights. Being Embodied to Feel Free!
