How often do you wish you could change something about a particular situation or circumstance in your life?
We invest much of our time, energy, thoughts, and emotions on trying to figure out how to solve what feels like a problem because our brain is a problem solving organ. The brain's job is to solve problems so even when we don’t have a problem, we create one in our mind.
As a psychotherapist, my days are spent working with people who are seeking help on how to solve a problem or change something outside of themselves so that they can feel better on the inside.
The first sessions with clients are dedicated to listening to them tell their stories. Once a comfort level is reached and rapport is built, our connection grows stronger. I notice that what changes first is their perspective of the problem instead of the actual problem. When listening to what people want to change externally shifts into hearing them talk about what they need to change internally, I know that real work is happening because their awareness has expanded.
In the last few weeks, I have been learning more about accepting what is, in my ACT class. ACT stands for Acceptance Commitment Therapy which is a form of therapy that incorporates mindfulness skills. Mindfulness means paying attention with flexibility, openness, and curiosity. The acronym ACT stands for:
A- Accept your thoughts and feelings, and be present
C- Choose a valued direction
T- Take action
I am learning about this therapy so that I can try to help my clients come to a new understanding of the problem that they are wanting to change. It can be difficult to be the sounding board for a person who is struggling with a problem that they have no control over because the truth is...sometimes we just have to accept things as they are and more importantly accept people as they are.
We can only control our self by noticing the thoughts we choose to engage with, managing our emotions with gentle curiosity, responding with loving kindness vs. reacting, and committing to taking actions that line up with our values so that we can create a full and meaningful life.
One of my newest friends in Portland who I respect and admire reminds herself of this everyday when she looks at her wrist. I asked Lauren to explain what the tatoo meant and she said, “Just accept what we cannot change and make the best of it. I hate using up energy on things that are futile and that I am unable to impact so I don’t. In a way, it’s attempting to release attachment.”
So there you have it. As it is...accept and work to change you so that your awareness of a problem causes you less suffering. Live now here with clear intentions, act in service of what you value, and be your best self!