Attention is taking notice of someone or something and regarding as interesting or important. It is also known as the action of dealing with or taking special care of someone or something.
The month of May turned out to be quite challenging for me because I was forced to feel uncomfortable and had no way out. I've decided to view this time as an experiment of noticing, feeling, giving attention to, and expanding awareness of what makes me…me.
My plan was to write a blog post on Love around the time of mother’s day, but for various reasons I wasn’t motivated or inspired enough so instead I tried practicing acceptance of how I was feeling without judgment, guilt or shame.
This process involved me getting curious about myself instead of feeling frustrated or annoyed with myself. A kind of deeper exploration of why I was not feeling my best and what I was actually feeling about not measuring up to certain standards I put on myself to achieve, do more, be productive, feel connected, and purposeful.
In the midst of this process of just being and feeling rather than doing, I actually allowed myself to feel emotions that I have a tendency to want to avoid or ignore because they are extremely uncomfortable for me. One feeling in particular that I was able to get closer with and understand better was loneliness.
This is an emotion that is often so hard for me to sit with that I normally use sadness to help me cope because feeling sad is less painful and at least I know what to do to bring it some relief like cry, journal, pray or try to numb out by binging on Netflix.
Essentially I forced myself to give attention to my loneliness instead of trying to find ways to escape from it.
Rather than distract myself with people, places, and things that would consume any moment of down time that could potentially turn into a moment of feeling, I chose to STOP and be conscious (painfully aware) of my loneliness and sadness in order to really feel these emotions, know them better, and understand what it is they need from me.
By giving them the attention they need, their grip over me loosens up and I don’t feel so suffocated, uncomfortable or afraid of them.
To my surprise this experiment turned out to be another one of those awakening experiences where it can get pretty dark in the tunnel while you’re in there, but once you’re out…everything seems brighter, more aligned, and sensical.
What I learned from this experiment is that loving yourself is a practice that often takes work, feels hard, can be complex, and definitely requires patience with discipline. I realized that the moments when you feel separate from or unlovable, are actually the moments when life is presenting you with an opportunity to step in and love yourself hard… even harder than you ever imagined you could.
The most amazing discovery I made during this experiment was that self compassion and self love is easier to understand if you begin to treat your emotions with the same kind of unconditional love and tenderness that a mother feels for her own child.
The next time you feel an emotion that feels uncomfortable for you, try not to distract yourself from it, but instead sit with the discomfort and give it the TLC it is needing from you.
If you would like to try this experiment yourself, follow these steps:
1. Stop and connect with your breathe
2. Notice what you feel by dropping out of your head (thinking) and into your body (feeling)
3. Pause and Be with the feeling
4. Notice any resistance or urge to Do something to minimize the feeling and stay with it
5. Get curious as you place your complete focused attention on the feeling no matter how much you want to suppress or avoid it
This process of giving attention will soften the emotion, lessen the energy it requires of you, and release you to experience love for yourself and for others more fully.