Would you like water, coffee, tea, wine or whiskey? how about something to eat? What about a piece of chocolate, candy, gum or maybe a cigarette instead?
Have you ever thought about the relationship we humans have with our mouth?
Freud proposed in his psychosexual stages of development, that certain areas of the body become sources of potential frustration, pleasure or both. He felt life was built around tension or pleasure, that all tension was due to the build up of libido (sexual energy), and that all pleasure came from its release.
In the first stage of personality development (0-1 years) known as the oral stage, the libido is centered around and stimulated by whatever makes contact with the mouth. Freud believed that oral stimulation could lead to oral fixation later in life and went on to describe people as oral personalities that engage in oral behaviors such as smoking, drinking, nail biting, or finger chewing when under stress.
When I took this picture years ago while walking along the streets of Florence, I remember thinking childhood vs. adulthood...'we give up one for the other'. The pacifier being one of the first things given to help us relax, soothe our crying, and comfort us in moments of feeling uncomfortable due to teething, body aches, a need not being met or feeling unsafe.
The cigarette satiates in much of the same way with an added bonus of taking deep breaths. People don't realize that part of the addiction to smoking is the mindful inhales and exhales that calm the nervous system.
I suggest to clients who tell me they want to quit smoking to engage in the exact same ritual they practice sans lighting the cigarette or instead putting something similar to a cigarette in their mouth as they focus their attention on breathing in and breathing out. Then asking them to notice if the urge to smoke the cigarette increased, lessened, stayed the same or went away. Also noticing if the compulsion to smoke had more to do with shifting their body energy, changing their environment from inside to outside or simply just needing a mental break.
I've been reading a book called The Gift of Our Compulsions as a way to help my clients who struggle with self control and/or impulse control which is characterized by impulsivity- failure to resist temptation, urge or impulse that may harm oneself or another.
Chapter 3 called Recognizing our Compulsions as Friends states this:
“whenever we are compulsive, what we are really longing for is to reconnect with ourselves. We are hungry for the experience of being grounded in our bodies again so we can live from the wellspring within that connects us to wisdom, our hearts, and to our lives. This is the connection that we knew so well when we were young; it has been waiting for us to grow up enough so that we can know and live it again on an even deeper level. Compulsions are our guides back into this connection, one that relaxes our minds, opens our hearts, and brings a twinkle to our eyes. They are not evidence that you are weak-willed or defective. Rather, they are powerful forces that are here to heal you to your core. To take this journey back to ourselves and into our full potential, we need to transform our relationship to our compulsions. If we trace them back to their roots, it is easy to see that they emerged to help us manage feelings that were too much for us. As infants, we were completely available to our feelings, both the joyful and the painful ones. The joyful ones kept us connected to our essence. The painful ones caused us to pull back from life.
The next time you find yourself feeling a need for something to put in your mouth:
1. take a pause
2. connect with your breath and your heart beat
3. close your eyes, go inward, and take an inhale through your nose on the count of 4, hold the breath in your chest for a moment, feel your lungs expand, then exhale through your mouth on the count of 6 and let something go with a loud sigh or sound
4. ask yourself what do I really need? what feeling is making me think that I need to have a drink, a smoke or all of the above?
5. get curious enough with your body to listen to it and wait to hear what it tells you by gently telling your mind that it isn't needed in this moment
Try to be mindful of how often you are using your mouth to escape from a feeling that you alone may be able to pacify with your focus, your attention, your love vs. a temporary fix.
* This is in dedication to all people who struggle with substance use, eating disorders, impulse control disorder, ADHD, depression, and anxiety.