This is a word that is used a lot by my teachers during yoga practice. It comes out in different ways such as, “Where in your body can you soften?” or “As you take deep breaths in and out, notice where you can release tension and soften.” Whenever I hear the word soften, my mind will normally wander to a few places such as the image of something that feels soft and fluffy like clouds, a situation I can recall of a person being abrasive or the notion of what it means to soften my own self.
To soften is to make soft or softer; to undermine or reduce the strength, morale, or resistance of; or to make less harsh, strident, or critical. In relation to the body and spirit, I think softening has to do with being more receptive, open, gentle, and compassionate. We can even work to soften the relationship we have with our minds through positive self talk by choosing to talk with our own self in a more kind and loving manner.
Softening can also be when we learn to let go, when we no longer feel the need to control as much, when we pause before responding or reacting to something or someone or when we stop trying to force the outcome of things to meet our own expectations. In relationships with others, I think softening is when you know how to give and take, you genuinely try to understand where the other person is coming from, you care about meeting your partner's needs as much as you care about meeting your own, and you begin to live in a way where you no longer choose to stay hostage to the painful events from your past.
I believe that in order to soften, you may have to be willing to change certain things about yourself. In order to know what those things are, you may have to be willing to sit with uncomfortable feelings that you would rather ignore. You may have to sit with yourself long enough to get to know yourself, forgive yourself, accept yourself, and most importantly love yourself.
It has taken some time and reflection on softening to truly understand what it means to me. Through yoga, I discovered a word and found its meaning to be significant in my life both on and off the mat. When I am practicing yoga, my breath softens my mind, my muscles, and my soul which naturally results in softening my being and who I am out in the world.
How soft are you with others? How soft are you with your Self?