Evolve

A few weeks ago, I was getting into my car after a yoga class and noticed the word EVOLVE painted on a wall with a man and woman dancing next to it. It was the first time I became aware that evolve had the word love in it.

This got me to thinking about how evolve and love relate to one another. My own definition of evolve is to grow, change or become better. Merriam-Webster's definition of evolve is to change or develop slowly often into a better, more complex, or more advanced state. How do you define evolve?

To evolve requires change and often times discomfort. Most people can be resistant to change because change is uncomfortable and no one likes to feel uncomfortable. What is it about being uncomfortable that frightens us all so much? Perhaps its because comfortable is easy and certain. To feel comfort is to feel safe and secure. Isn't that what we all want? To feel safe and secure in a world where things and life are easy and certain?

The way I see it, evolve and love relate to each other because you need one, to have the other. You need love in order to evolve. Love from others, love for others, and most importantly, love for Self. Without having others in our lives to love, and love and mirror us, its possible that we might never know who and how we really are and what things we might need to change in order grow into a better person. If we have no love for self, it's possible that we won't care about growing, changing or evolving into anything more than we already are.

By loving our Self, we are able to make choices that we know will help us to become a better version of who we want to be, what we want to do, and how we want to feel in our life. Self love is an ever evolving process that develops slowly over time through the struggles we endure, the maturity we gain, and the resonance we feel from practicing it.

How will you love in order to evolve?

Do What you Love and the Rest Will Follow

A few months ago during SXSW, I helped a friend of a friend find a space where she could talk to people about the business of dream catching. Karen Christensen is the Head Dreamcatcher of Dreamcatcher's District, which she refers to as a global tribe of creative change-makers that are living a life they love because they are doing work that matters to them.

Root&Connect is based on the belief that if you are able to connect with mind, body, spirit, and your emotions, you will feel more rooted (grounded) and you will be able to better connect with people and your community.

One of the things I talk about with individual clients and in group is the connection with spirit and what that truly means to me. The best way to describe how I see connecting to one's spirit is figuring out what it is that you are most passionate about, what lights your inner fire, and what makes YOU feel most alive.

I thoroughly enjoyed being present at the Dreamcatcher's District event where Karen spoke energetically in a way that motivated everyone in the room to think about what it meant to be in touch with what you really feel in order to know what it is you want to do or what you believe that you are meant to do. She asked us to write down what our limiting core belief was such as “What if others don't see the purpose of it?” and then invited us to rewrite it as a core belief without limits such as “Others WILL see its purpose and feel inspired.”

When an idea to do something comes to life in your mind, the options are: turn the idea into a creation (or a reality) and run with it until it comes to fruition or keep the idea as a thought until you are ready to turn it into something real. One of the ways that I think our spirit tries to connect with us is by replaying the thought of an idea or a desire over and over in our minds. The question is, are you present and in tune with yourself enough to be able to recognize that these thoughts just might be your spirit trying to guide you towards what it truly desires for you to do?

Dreamcatcher's District is sending a message out to the world that is loud and clear to us all- Make your dream a reality! When you realize that life is too short to live it doing something you have no interest, desire or passion to do, Dreamcatcher's District can help give you a jumpstart in making it actually happen. The key is learning to master your peak performance state otherwise known as 'flow' through discovering and then doing what it is that makes you feel satisfaction, fulfillment, integrity, engagement, meaning, and confidence.

Through her live events, privates, coaching, and meditation groups, Karen is creating a movement to help encourage people to find meaning and take risks by implementing daily routines and strategies that will smash their fear and motivate them to live out their truth, purpose, passion, and feel more connected with spirit. For me, this means living authentically and that is what life is all about.

Dreamcatcher's District invites you to say YES!  Smash Fear, Get Noticed, and Feel Free.

If you are ready to transform your life and catch your dream, visit www.dreamcatchersdistrict.com

Mindful walking

One of my favorite past times is to take mindful walks around my neighborhood. The difference between going on a walk vs. a mindful walk is what you do and what you focus your attention on while walking.

When clients initially come to see me for counseling, the first few sessions involve my talking about what mindfulness is about and why it helps to alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety. The quick explanation is that mindfulness is learning to have focused attention on one thing so that you are able to be more aware of what is happening in the present moment. You are now here vs. nowhere.

Mindful walking is my introduction into a mindfulness practice that clients can begin to engage in because it involves movement of the body which most people are already familiar with and comfortable doing. We all know how to walk. The difference is, can you walk with intention to be mindful of taking in all there is to experience and observe during a leisurely or sometimes more brisk walk outside?

During my mindful walks, I take pleasure in absorbing all there is to see with great detail and attention. I begin by connecting with my feet and feel them firmly planted on the earth. This connection allows me to feel steardy and strong as I move forward with ease and confidence that my focused attention will observe many beautiful things along my path.

Some days, I stick to the neighborhood streets where I encounter breathtaking trees that allow me to practice mindfulness as I hone in on the details of the different shapes and colors of their leaves. My attention also seeks out furry, friendly, and sometimes frisky cats because these animals make me feel happy and calm. Sometimes, I make it a point to zone in on small things that I may have missed during the other 20 times I passed by that exact same spot. Discovering new things is part of the fun!

It's amazing what you find and what meets the eye when you purposefully focus your attention in order to be mindful of all the wonderful things that nature provides and surrounds us with. On this particular day, I decided to take a mindful walk/hike in Blunn Creek because I am fortunate enough to live by this nature rich preserve that feels like another world altogether.

I invite you to begin taking mindful walks as your first step in mindfulness practices that will begin to change how you feel on the inside. See for yourself how focusing your attention on the beauty of life and nature will help you to be more present and NOW HERE. Walk on!

Softening

This is a word that is used a lot by my teachers during yoga practice. It comes out in different ways such as, “Where in your body can you soften?” or “As you take deep breaths in and out, notice where you can release tension and soften.” Whenever I hear the word soften, my mind will normally wander to a few places such as the image of something that feels soft and fluffy like clouds, a situation I can recall of a person being abrasive or the notion of what it means to soften my own self.

To soften is to make soft or softer; to undermine or reduce the strength, morale, or resistance of; or to make less harsh, strident, or critical. In relation to the body and spirit, I think softening has to do with being more receptive, open, gentle, and compassionate. We can even work to soften the relationship we have with our minds through positive self talk by choosing to talk with our own self in a more kind and loving manner.

Softening can also be when we learn to let go, when we no longer feel the need to control as much, when we pause before responding or reacting to something or someone or when we stop trying to force the outcome of things to meet our own expectations. In relationships with others, I think softening is when you know how to give and take, you genuinely try to understand where the other person is coming from, you care about meeting your partner's needs as much as you care about meeting your own, and you begin to live in a way where you no longer choose to stay hostage to the painful events from your past.

I believe that in order to soften, you may have to be willing to change certain things about yourself. In order to know what those things are, you may have to be willing to sit with uncomfortable feelings that you would rather ignore. You may have to sit with yourself long enough to get to know yourself, forgive yourself, accept yourself, and most importantly love yourself.

It has taken some time and reflection on softening to truly understand what it means to me. Through yoga, I discovered a word and found its meaning to be significant in my life both on and off the mat. When I am practicing yoga, my breath softens my mind, my muscles, and my soul which naturally results in softening my being and who I am out in the world.

How soft are you with others? How soft are you with your Self?

Can You Embrace Your Own Mind?

How often do people use cell phones as a way to connect with others in order to stay disconnected from their own feelings, thoughts, and ultimately their minds? Frequently, I hear people say that they don't want to be left alone with their own mind. The key word is alone (with thoughts). Thoughts are such a funny thing. That's exactly what they are...things. And yet we give them the power to control us in ways that make us feel discomfort, inadequacy, and fear.

Recently I heard that young girls are getting water proof cell phones so that they can text in the shower. I don't know about you, but I often do some of my best thinking in the shower. Sometimes I think to give gratitude for the day, sometimes I plan out my day, and lately, I've been practicing mindful showering. This is where you try to simply focus on the present moment and what is going on while you shower for instance: the way your hands feel as they massage your scalp, the way the water feels against your skin or how your hands feel as they wash and cleanse your body.

People that come to see me for counseling, to be heard, seem to feel safer talking about what goes on in their minds because they aren't alone. I often feel that my job is not only to help others get to feeling closer to the better version of themselves, but to also be mindfully present for what they so desperately need to share. Many times what they need to share is their core self that's clouded, fogged, distracted, anxious or confused by feelings that cause them to think 'things' which perturb their state of mind.

Be Here Now is a mantra that I've adopted most recently. Maybe it's because of the dedication I've been giving to practicing mindfulness in the last 6 years. The act of trying to stay mindful of what is going on in each moment. Whether I like it or not. It's what IS happening so I might as well accept and try to enjoy regardless of what my mind is telling me that I am lacking or that I have to have in order feel happy and calm.

This road of mind, (I mean mine) has led me to this place where my mind is no longer my enemy, it's my ally. I've learned to tame this soft and smooshy, delicate organ that once felt like a beast inside of me. It controlled my feelings, my actions, my perspective on life in a way that I was often times NOT comfortable with.

The beauty of this journey is that now I understand that the beast (the mind) is not a beast at all. The mind is simply a part of me that had to witness things during my most innocent childhood years; it witnessed moments and experiences that I didn't ask for. When I didn't know how to tame my mind, I felt lost and ridden with anxiety. This is what led me to seek a more mindful way of life. What I've learned is that mindfulness practices lead to mindful living which directly calms the mind and guides the core self to feeling more peace, awareness, and acceptance of what IS - the here and the now.

The ingredients to love are openness, curiosity, and acceptance. If love is what we all want to feel, then maybe we should start with mindfully practicing these 3 things with our own minds so that we are able to truly embrace this part of us without feeling afraid of it. For me, mindfulness is the sure way to begin embracing and loving your own mind. It is the way to being connected with your mind rather than running from it.

I invite you to put your phone down, close your eyes, and just be with your mind. No resistance, no fear, just openness, curiosity, and acceptance to the thoughts that arise.

Acceptance

What is your level of acceptance? How accepting are you of differences in opinions, in beliefs, in values, in socioeconomic status, and in the color of people's skin?

About a month ago, I noticed this graffiti with a strong message that inspired me to take a picture of it. The message brought up lots of emotions for me regarding the injustices that have been happening in the last few years that our advancements in technology have facilitated for us to witness taking place in different parts of the country we refer to as the land of the free and the home of the brave.

When I took this photo, flashes of Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown came to mind and here it is not even a month later where the South Carolina shooting of Walter Scott makes the message of this graffiti even louder, more unsettling, and very saddening. Its message also brings up major concerns not only on the racism that obviously continues to exist in America, but also the lack of attention and seriousness being given to mental health that human beings in all walks of life are desperately in need of.

During a discussion about the most recent situation in South Carolina, I brought up the graffiti picture I had taken and it was brought to my attention that someone had added a W to the No which resulted in changing the entire message of the art. This got me to thinking about how people are entitled to think what they want, to have their own perception of things, and that ignorance really can be bliss for those who choose to stay unaware or unaffected by what happens to human beings that exist outside of their life bubble.

The contradiction of the two messages relayed in the graffiti has gotten me to think more and more about what it must feel like to live as a black person in this country today despite all the changes that have come about since the African American Civil Rights Movement in the 1960's. Although it 'appears' as though America is the land of equality and freedom, I'm not so sure that any minority group and particularly black men believe this to be true.

My curiosity led me to want to talk with my colleague and friend who is a highly educated woman of color that is actively involved with a not-for-profit organization that consists of 12,000 professional women of color in 41 states, the District of Columbia and the Commonwealth of the Bahamas. This organization is one of the nation’s oldest and largest volunteer service organizations of extraordinary women who are committed to enriching, sustaining, and ensuring the culture and economic survival of African Americans and other persons of African ancestry. I wanted to know her perception and hear her thoughts on the controversy that continues to be publicized in the media since Trayvon Martin's death in 2012.

Her response was quite interesting. She said that she could share many stories about her and her own family's experiences with racism. One story she did share was about her son who is grown man living in New York, who has a higher education, and holds a good position in banking. She said that her son was wearing a nice suit and driving his nice car on his way to work when a policeman pulled him over for no apparent reason. When the policeman walked up to her son's car, he said, “Where you headed boy?” My friend's son responded that he was on his way to work and the policeman replied back to him, “Are you a drug dealer or a preacher?” What seemed most appalling about her story was that a police officer who holds this position of 'power' for the purpose of 'protecting the people' felt not only inclined to question my friend's son for no legitimate reason, but in the process was allowed to humiliate him in that way because he is an armed policeman that can do and say as he pleases.

In what way is this position of power that we give to police officers actually helping to 'protect and serve' humanity? And what if these people and police officers who are committing these brutal and unjust actions towards people (including adolescents) of color are not just racists, but also perhaps suffering from mental illness due to the amount of trauma and chaos that they are subject to regularly?

It's difficult for me to fully believe that the only reason that these horrific acts keep taking place is based solely on racism and the lack of acceptance that exists among people.

Acceptance is defined as the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable, typically to be admitted into a group. I think that there seems to be a strong need for acceptance of all the harmful realities taking place today which are affecting our existance and the world as a whole. Acceptance of: how we treat each other as people all doing their best to live and survive; how we treat ourselves and that includes our mind, our body, and our spirit; how we treat our own fear and other emotions that cause us to act in ways we feel aren't right; how we treat each other for having differences in religious beliefs; how we treat money; how we treat the homeless; how we treat mental health and those suffering from mental illnesses; how we treat the animals we eat; how we treat the animals going into extinction; and how we treat planet earth's lands and oceans.

What if it's possible to slowly create change for humanity through being more mindful and practicing the things that matter most to all human beings: awareness, security, love, kindness, empathy, compassion, understanding, respect, and most of all acceptance?

Hurt People, Hurt People

Have you ever thought about why people hurt one another? I would like to believe that most of the time, people are not hurting each other intentionally, but rather their own hurt is what causes them to say or do things that wound others.

Often times, people say or do things without thinking of how it's going to be perceived. Words or actions get misinterpreted and the result is someone feeling attacked, criticized, doubted or judged. Once the defenses go up, people may lose sight of what they are saying or how they are reacting and ultimately one or both parties end up hurt. Many times we get triggered by something that someone says or does without even fully understanding why we are internally having such a negative response.

During one of my group sessions, one of the members was talking about his ex-wife. He was sharing about the things she used to do in their marriage that led him to feel that she was crazy and why he asked for a divorce. He went on about her and then somewhere in the middle of his story, he casually slipped in the fact that she had grown up in a very dysfunctional home where her emotional needs were not met.

This got me to thinking about the vicious cycle of pain that gets passed down through generations. Our life circumstances and sometimes trying experiences throughout childhood, adolescence, and adulthood stick with us and mold us into who we are and how we choose to be in the world. Our triggers come from certain experiences we have with people who at one point or another said or did something that hurt us.

If our parent's parents did not get their emotional needs met, then it's probable that our parents may not have either. The chain continues and so we end up seeking to find a life partner that we think is going to fill the void that we so desperately crave to be filled because of what we needed and didn't get for various reasons earlier in our lives.

In essence, we are all human with similar emotional needs. Think about what your emotional needs might be. Do you need understanding, acknowledgement, respect, companionship, meaning, structure, passion, belonging, clarity, trust, encouragement or purpose?

The next time you find yourself feeling hurt by someone else, remember that 1) he/she may not have intentionally meant to hurt you and 2) he/she may be hurting as well. Instead of allowing yourself to get sucked into the trap of feeling hurt, getting defensive, and lashing out words that you will probably regret; focus on what you are really feeling, think about what it is that you need in that moment, and try asking for it.

I think that perhaps this is one way to stop the cycle of hurt people, hurting people.

Elevation

Little did I know how much of a treat yoga class at Yoga Vida would be today. I was happy to see that my instructor Kaley, had returned from being away 3 weeks assisting with the Africa Yoga Project's Seva Safari teacher training for disadvantaged youth. The intention of the training was to help create opportunities for yogis in South Africa to step into their greatness and become self-sustaining leaders in their communities.

Kaley's classes are known for being energized by the perfect balance of power and love that she radiates when teaching yoga. Today that balance of power and love was magnified with a special kind of energy that Kaley's presence brought into the room and for us during our practice. At the end of class when it was time for Shavasana (corpse pose), I felt relieved to finally lay down, relax, and rejuvenate my body, mind, and spirit.

With awareness of my chest and abdomen rising and falling with each breath, Kaley began to share these words, “I have always thought that Guru was a word to describe someone who brings forth light, but recently I met a woman in Africa who said that to her Guru meant remover of darkness. For me, this is like yoga. Yoga works to peel off and remove layers of energy so that we are able to tap into our deepest self, where we hold our light and our truth. The exhales remove the darkness and the inhales embody the light.”

She then asked us to imagine that our breath was a color and to then visualize sending this breath out to Texas, the 50 states, and all across the world. She stated that sending this breath out into the world had the potential to heal, create oneness, and even change things on a more global level. Engaging in this mindful exercise, I immediately felt a sense of love, power, unity, and spirit pour over me and when opening my eyes, I felt tears streaming down my sweaty face.

What came next was an incredible sense of warmth and peace as I continued to soak in Shavasana while feeling amazing gratitude for being led to her class today. Kaley pleasantly surprised me as I felt her sharing her Africa experience with all of us in that moment on a spiritual level. She was able to bring in the growth and love she experienced into our NOW to help transform our day and our understanding of the power of breath.

This is one of the many reasons that I love and practice yoga. For me, it's about rooting in the now, and staying connected to my breath and body in order to feel optimal emotional and mental well-being. Thank you for sharing your NOW Kaley!

N othing

O ther than

W hat is happening in this moment

What Do You See?

Since getting into the business of teaching people what mindfulness is about and using mindfulness techniques to help my clients, I have become much more intrigued by the sense of sight. You see (no pun intended), one of the ways to be mindful is to have focused attention on one thing and when we focus, we mostly use our brain and our eyes.

The eyes have been called the window to the soul. Lately, I have been thinking about how our eyes should be called the guardians of the mind because what we choose to look at and pay attention to determines much of what we think about. For instance, if I am surrounded by the ocean, beautiful mountains, and lush green, then chances are that my mind is going to be in a more relaxed state, but if I spend most of my time watching horror films where there is a lot of violence, then my mind will more than likely go to darker places causing me to feel more on edge, afraid or even paranoid.

There is something to be said for all of the technology that our eyes spend a large percentage of our time focusing on these days. Studies show that the use of screens cause people to blink less, strain their focus, and even hold their breath longer. One suggested solution has been termed the three B's approach: Blink, breathe, and break. This is to help you become more conscious of blinking more often, taking deep breaths, and breaking away from the intense concentration to reduce eye strain and improve overall health.

Now imagine being a person that cannot see. Who are the guardians of their mind?

During a yoga class a few weeks ago, my teacher told us about a new iPhone app called Be My Eyes.  It's an app that connects the blind with volunteer helpers from around the world via live video chat. When this was brought to my attention, the first thing I thought was that blind people practice mindfulness each and everyday and not necessarily by choice, but more as a means for survival. They use the other senses we have that most of us with eyesight take for granted- smell, hear, taste, touch, and the ones I like to add- extrasensory perception (esp) and intuition.

For those of us who do have all of our senses and are reading this now, be mindful of the ways in which you can begin to access all of the senses at any point in time to help you feel more connected to the moment. Also, feel gratitude for the eyes you have to see, to focus on what is right in front of you, and allow for them to be the guardians of your mind.

When you take the time to really look, you may gain a new appreciation for things and truly begin to see the beauty in all that surrounds you.

ForGive

Lately, I have been pondering what it really means to forgive, why there is a driving force within us that struggles with whether or not we can forgive others, and most importantly the difficulty that most of us have with forgiving our own self.

Most recently, it dawned on me that perhaps we call it ForGive as a way of saying: For others and self, Give understanding. And in order for us to better understand, it takes having the ability to feel empathy for what another is experiencing and feeling by putting ourselves in their shoes.

As a counselor for groups of people who have been accused of domestic violence, this topic of forgiveness comes up often because either 1. these men are working through how to forgive their partners for instigating them towards a certain level of aggression or 2. these men are working through how to forgive themselves for the actions they chose to take during a heated moment of conflict.

The act of forgiveness has changed shape in my own life as I have learned to interpret it as a means to freedom and liberation from things that weigh me down and cause me to be less kind and gentle towards myself which directly influences me to be less kind and gentle towards others. I will never forget the day (many years ago) that a good friend of mine said two simple words that created an internal shift within me and changed how I felt about myself and the things that had occurred in my past that caused me to beat myself up. He said, “Forgive yourself” and just like that, there was deeper understanding of my own pain.

If and when you contemplate how you could ever forgive someone else for the hurt they caused you, remember to keep in mind the truth that we are all human. We all make mistakes. We all suffer and we all hurt at one time or another. What we all need and want from each other is understanding and the way to get there is through love and empathy.

To practice true empathy imagine slipping out of your own shoes to slip into those of another. Try to sink into a higher level of awareness that realizes this: Often what we do and what others do is the sum of past experiences plus choices we make and sometimes those choices end up hurting either ourselves or someone else. This is called being human.

Here are some quotes I like on forgiveness:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” ~Jesus

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ~Oscar Wilde -Writer and Poet

"Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you." ~Steve Maraboli

“Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.” ~Joan Lunden –Journalist and Author

 

Talk it Out

Most people feel that talking is overrated. Let it go we think to ourselves. Why rock the boat? Avoid confrontation at all cost.

It’s always so much easier to brush things under the rug because in the moment that something comes up that creates a feeling we don’t like, we are afraid that if we say something, it may come out wrong, we may hurt someone’s feelings or even worse, we may be misperceived…misunderstood. No one likes to feel misunderstood.

In this day and age, when the majority of our communication happens electronically, it seems as though we are becoming less comfortable with talking and too comfortable with throwing out words through text and email. These words get misconstrued which leads to misunderstanding, disconnection, and conflict.

When your heart (and body) feels a certain emotion that doesn’t sit well with you, don’t avoid talking about it for fear of confrontation. Confrontation is defined as a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties. In my groups, I share a new way to define the word. To confront is to bring something to the forefront and out into the open for two people to listen to each other, feel heard, acknowledged, and most importantly to talk it out. The truth is that when it's important, it's worth opening your mouth for.

Why hold onto things that create resentment and begin to feel toxic in your mind and body? Instead try to:

Trust that others will listen to what you have to say

Acknowledge/Accept how you feel

Let others share how they feel and really listen to them

Know that you will feel better because you have shared your thoughts and feelings

 

Living with a Monkey Mind?

Monkey mind is a Buddhist term meaning indecisive, unsettled, restless, confused, and uncontrollable. It's a term to describe a mind full of racing thoughts that look much like monkeys who are aimlessly swinging from branch to branch.

If this is the way we live our day to day, it's no wonder that so many people talk about feeling exhausted, scattered, and out of focus. People actually believe that they cannot control their mind because they don't know how to and this causes them worry, anxiety, irritability, and sometimes pain. Depending on our life circumstance, this monkey mind can lead us to feeling out of control and unable to make decisions with confidence and clarity.

Much of my work as a counselor is to help others understand that they do have the power to control thoughts through mindfulness practices that help them train the brain and regain focus. The simplest practice to tame the mind is to connect with breath because when you are breathing deeply, thoughts stop, and monkey mind is no longer able to hijack you.

Another way to explain monkey mind is describing a comic strip drawing I once saw of a woman  walking a brain she has on a leash. Envision this and think of the power of your mind in a new way. We DO have the ability to get a handle on our minds by noticing what thoughts come up and deciding how much we will let ourselves be affected by them.

Will you in engage with and entertain every single thought that comes up?

The choice is yours: You can keep swinging aimlessly from branch to branch (thought to thought) or you can stop, breathe, become present enough to focus your attention on what is happening right in front of you, and calm that monkey mind once and for all.

Stand for One Thing, Don't Fall for Everything

During yoga class this morning at Yoga Vida, our instructor was having us move in a steady flow until we got to the balancing poses. The first he called out was tree which is one I love for obvious reasons since I am a huge tree lover. As he guided us on how to achieve tree pose, he said something very wise (as he does quite often) that inspired me to want to write about it.

He said, “Stand for one thing, don't fall for everything.” What first came to mind was youth, and how we have a tendency in our youth to not know ourselves as well and as a result not really know what it is that we actually want.

He then said something along the lines of, “if we don't know what it is that we want to stand for, then we often times end up falling for everything or anything or the wrong thing.” What then came to mind was values, and how if we don't really know what it is that we value, we can often times get mixed up with people or end up in places that have nothing to do with what our core self truly desires.

In the last few years, I have been working on trying to get more in touch with myself to really figure out who I am, what it is that I really want out of life, what my values are, and what it is that I stand for. By learning how to root and connect, these things have become much more clear. Thankfully!

The topic of values is one that I introduce to my clients in group. During discussion, I have them list their top 5 values and then ask them to reflect on whether or not their current life choices match up with their list. Some faces light up as though they have discovered the reason for or the solution to their life's problems while other faces look disappointed about their lack of discernment.

Have you ever taken the time to sit down and list your top 5 values or even just your number 1 value?

If not, I encourage you to as way of getting more in touch with what it is you truly stand for. I'll go ahead and share mine to help you get started:

• Truth

• Faith

• Connection/Understanding

• Love for self and others (this includes self care and having compassion towards self)

• Adventure

Setting an Intention

An intention is a thing intended, an aim or a plan.

During this time before the new year begins, it's common for people to pause and reflect on what happened throughout the year, how they spent their time, who they surrounded themselves with, and if goals that were set, were actually met.

For many years I've heard yoga teachers suggest setting an intention at the beginning of class as a way to help people remain mindful throughout the practice.

I interpret intention setting as a way to tame the mind by bringing focused attention onto one purposeful thought, want, need or desire that we wish to see actualized.

In 2014, I decided that setting intentions outside of yoga class, in day to day life would be just as helpful in keeping me centered on what my heart, mind, and spirit are longing for. When you set an intention, you actively engage these parts of yourself and allow them to speak to you so that you are able to know what it is that you truly need. The trick is knowing how to be silent and still long enough to hear what these parts of you are saying.

You can set an intention for just about anything you want to see happen in your life or within your own self. Set an intention for love, for peace, for prosperity, for the day, or even for the entire year. The simplest way for me to know what intention to set is to notice which thoughts come to mind most often or which thoughts I invest more energy in.

Here are a few intentions I set for myself this past year:

• Be fully present for others and to life as it is now

• Love others just as they are

• Love you exactly the way you are

• Trust that all is as it should be

• Surrender

• Accept

• Feel and Show Gratitude

• Believe

• Peace of Mind

• What I Seek is Seeking Me

Now it's your turn. Set an intention for 2015 and stay mindful on whatever it is. Happy New Year!!

Giving

The season of giving is almost to an end. During the month of December, I took the time to talk with my groups about giving by first asking them to reflect on what giving meant to each of them on a personal level.

The question I posed was, “How do you give?

Initially, the response was a room full of men with blank stares so I felt the need to further explain.

One of the things that most all of us have been programmed to believe is that Christmas is a time to shop for gifts so we actually have something to give to the ones we love. This notion that the only meaningful way to give is by spending money on stuff for others has changed the purpose of celebrating Christmas and misguided our focus on what giving this time of year is all about.

Jesus taught us that to give is to love and it is true that when we receive a gift from someone, we feel loved by them. The important thing to remember is that there are many ways for us to give to others that doesn't involve spending money, stressing about not having enough money, or feeling less because we don't have stuff to give.

These few words helped the men in group to understand what I was encouraging them to realize: That we have a wealth of gifts to give to others that exist within us, always available, and at no cost. These are the emotional gifts that make lasting imprints creating memories that often times mean more than any one thing you put on a shelf or store in a closet.

When we give to others from our hearts, the gift of Love is shared and truly felt. Isn't that the whole meaning of Christmas?

I think that is what Jesus would want all of us to remember on the day of his birthday. Rather than giving from having, we give from our being.

The group shared this list and so my gift is to share it with you.

What I Give is:

• Time

• Attention

• Affection

• Understanding

• Support

• Help

• Encouragement

• Knowledge

• Words that Express How I Feel

• An Open Heart

• Empathy

• Compassion

Letting Go

Have you ever noticed how you feel when someone tells you to “let it go?”

Try telling a child who is frustrated, angry or throwing a temper tantrum to “let it go” and see what happens.

There is something really powerful about these three words. Something that resonates with all of us or should I say, most of us when we hear these words spoken. There is a reason why the song “Let it Go” in the 2013 movie Frozen has gotten roughly 184 million hits on Youtube. Children of all ages love to sing this song, but why?

Perhaps it is because there is something we all know as truth and when we hear it, we suddenly feel a sense of calm and peace in our hearts and minds.

I think that most of us have heard something along the lines of... “When you allow yourself to really let go and stop trying to control the outcome of how you want things to be, things will just naturally begin to unfold and change for the better.” As much as I believe this, I still struggle with letting go. I struggle because uncertainty and feeling powerless can feel scary, uncomfortable, and extremely vulnerable.

Sometimes all I want (or my ego wants) to do is hold on tighter, react, overreact, speak my mind, justify, blame, convince, control. Anything to keep me from having to let go and rest in a place of simply being.

The difference between letting go and letting be is that there is a certain action involved with letting go, whereas, letting be is an openness and acceptance to just allow things to be as they are.

The next time that you feel yourself struggling with something internally or battling with your ego who wants to be right and whispers to you that your pride is more important than anything else...try telling yourself (and your ego) to let go and let be.

When we surrender and choose acceptance, we allow and make space for things to be just as they are. We live in the present and the outcome is the only one that really matters for the here and now- liberation, peace of mind, and trust that the universe IS working in your favor EVEN when it doesn't feel as though it is.

Think of letting go as your life saver and keep swimming through the waves.

SELF

This past weekend I attended the Texas Yoga Retreat for the 2nd time at the Hindu Temple formerly called Barsana Dham and now called Radha Madhav Dham here in Austin. It is a magical place where I had the pleasure of attending workshops with some of the most amazing teachers I have ever come across.

One of the presenters named Rahgu Clark struck me as an old soul with lots of wisdom and inner peace. He is a yogi, a minister, a kirtan leader, and an inspiring teacher who has been meditating and teaching yoga philosophy for 35 years.

The name of his workshop was “Tried and True Tools for Self-Realization” so of course I thought this would be a great resource for my work as a therapist and also for what I am trying to accomplish through Root & Connect. If I had to explain in one or two words why I started Root & Connect it would be Healing and Self-Realization.

One of the things that Rahgu said in the beginning of his presentation was that he had lived in many beautiful places in his life, but that now he was living in Dallas because that was where he needed to be to serve the Ananda community. He then said something that rang very true for me, “Wherever you are, you are with your consciousness.”

When I heard this, I immediately thought back to a time in the year 2000 when I saw a sticker somewhere that read SELF. I was drawn to this sticker and decided to keep it and put it in a place where I knew I would be forced to look at it daily.

For some reason, that word SELF really resonated with me and what I began discovering back then, was that finding my SELF and beginning my journey towards self-realization was something that I felt very passionate about and that I wanted to keep exploring.

During the workshop, it suddenly dawned on me that my path towards self-realization had brought me to this exact place with this enlightened teacher who was assisting me in deepening my own understanding of self so that I could then teach others the way to try and do the same for themselves.

My vision of Root & Connect is to help others in their personal development of becoming more grounded, centered, and comfortable while on their path of healing and learning to love themselves.

Lastly, this came to my mind and I wrote it down as I thought it worth the share:

Seek your purpose and serve others

Exist with intention

Love and learn

Find your path and fulfill your heart’s deepest desires

Meditation is...

• Unplugging yourself from the stimulus we call “Life”
• Taking your energizer bunny batteries out to recharge while you sit in stillness
• Looking into your own mind from the outside with a different lens that slows everything down
• Sitting on a beach and watching the waves of the ocean come and go without jumping on any one wave (or attaching to any one thought)
• A monkey that stops swinging from branch to branch to find rest
• Connecting to your breath
• Getting out of your head and into your body
• Focusing on your breath or on a mantra so that you are able to stop the jibber jabber we call “Thinking”
• Allowing your breath to be the master of your mind so that your mind can be a better master for your body
• Healing
• Feeling body sensations, aches or pains and learning to how to release what does not serve you
• Feeling, feeling, feeling
• A way to being less reactive and more Mindful
• Listening to your higher self
• Practicing silence while accepting that sounds can exist without becoming distractions
• Observing your thoughts without feeling the need to control them
• How I go inward to get back to myself
• A gift for all of us to practice at any given moment
• Freedom from being controlled by our thoughts
• A natural elation
• A state of calm and peace that we search for in every other place, but ourselves
• Wonderful for your mind, body, spirit, and emotions
• To root and connect

If you want to know more about one form of meditation and its health benefits,  visit http://www.tm.org/benefits-of-meditation

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Make Time for Time

Are you an “I don’t have time” kind of a person or are you an “I will make time for that” kind of a person?

Time is such a funny thing. Most of us feel as though we don’t have enough of it, when in reality, we all have just about the same amount. The difference between each of us is what we do with our time, how much we HAVE to do, and how much we also CHOOSE to put on our plate.

During group yesterday, one of the participants was talking about a church retreat he had just been to over the weekend. He lit up as he began to share the experience of feeling closer to God and ‘taking time’ to give thanks for all the ways that he has been blessed.

Something he said that stuck with me was that for many years he had been telling himself that he did not have time to go to church or get closer to God. He then said that he had had a realization during the retreat that saying he did not have time for God was silly when God was the one who was giving him time to begin with. 

This got me to thinking about how time truly is a gift. From the moment we are born, time becomes a permanent part of our existence and each day we are either racing against the clock or moving along with it.

Since I began to incorporate mindfulness practices such as yoga, meditation, deep breathing, pauses to notice my surroundings, and focused attention on the present moment, my view on time has shifted.

If I can be mindful when I am eating, exercising, cleaning, working, relating with others, and when I am with myself, then is it not possible to be more mindful about what I do with my time?

Bottom line: we make time for what we want to make time for.  Just like everything that you want to see happen in your life, it seems as though you have to be willing to make time for time just as much as you make time for your priorities. What does your list of priorities look like? Does it include self-care? Does it include time to slow down?

Think of it this way:  if you make time for your own wellness to nurture the parts of you that make you feel whole (complete), the people that you do dedicate time to will begin to notice that there is a better version of you that is more energetic, that feels good, and looks great!

Now who doesn’t want to spend time with someone like that? I know I do.