Internal Landscape

Above is an image of how I imagine my internal landscape. Chakra energy centers that allow the flow of energy through my body, my big ol heart that I consciously try to keep open as often as possible, and my inner child who needs my attention as much as I need attention from others.

What does the inside of you look like?

Do you know what you feel and where in your body you feel it?

During my yoga training days almost 10 years ago, I heard the teacher direct us towards our internal landscape and what popped in my mind was 'is she talking about the geography of my insides?'

Shortly thereafter I realized that she wasn't talking about our actual organs, tissue, or muscles; she was bringing awareness to the inner world of our bodies because this is what the practice of yoga helps us to discover.

In the latest book I've been reading The Untethered Soul, there is a chapter called the Inner Roommate which refers to the mental voice (our inner critic) and the ways it controls us.

It reads 'Until you've watched your roommate long enough to truly understand the predicament you're in, you really have no basis for practices that help you deal with the mind. Once you've made the decision to free yourself from the mental melodrama, you are ready for teachings and techniques. You will now have a real use for them.'

'There are those who have gone before you who found themselves in the same situation. They were given teachings and techniques, such as yoga, which were created to help in this process. Yoga is not really about getting your body healthy, although it does that too. Yoga is about the knowledge that will help you out of your predicament, the knowledge that can free you. Once you've made this freedom the meaning of your life, there are spiritual practices that can help you. These practices are what you do with your time in order to free yourself from yourself. You will eventually catch on that you have to distance yourself from your psyche.'

Our bodies internal landscape waits for us to become familiar with its energy, shape, texture, sensations, and emotions. The longer we choose to stay focused on remaining 'safe' or distracted in our heads, the more likely it is that our inner roommate (mental voice) will continue to dictate how we think, feel, operate, relate with others, and most importantly treat our Self.

Most people think that if they spend time doing intense workouts, that means they are connecting with their body. Any form of movement is good and building muscle is important, however, more intense exercise does not allow for oxygen to reach the brain. Slower moving exercises such as walking, various forms of yoga, tai chi, and Qi gong allow us to breathe easily and normally.

Less force on the body opens us up to form a deeper connection with it through the practice of combining breath and movement. This is the process of transforming our relationship with our mind and body so that when someone asks us about our internal landscape, we can say with confidence and ease that we know what our Self looks and feels like on the inside.

For more information on the importance of getting oxygen to the brain, visit:

http://www.nacd.org/my-brain-needs-oxygen-what-can-i-do/#:~:text=3)%20Take%20short%20walks%20throughout,being%20carried%20to%20your%20brain.

The Important A's

It's been a while since I sat down to write. I'd like to blame it on Corona Life because why not, but the truth is that it's been difficult to focus during this time. Recently, a wise friend reminded me that the energy of the planet is all stirred up and kinda whacky so naturally our own energy is going to be affected by it whether we are consciously aware of it or not.

I've struggled with ADD for the majority of my life. It runs in the ol' familia. And with ADD (or ADHD) come other things such as depression, anxiety, anger, irritability, boredom, impulsivity, difficulty focusing and short attention span. Since writing takes quite a bit of energy and focus, my mind will redirect me to do other things while my spirit whispers to me each day, “Angela, please write what you know.”

During quarantine time, I picked up a book from the little library box in our neighborhood called Bird by Bird Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. This book has been both entertaining and informative. There is a chapter called Perfectionism where she says, “perfectionism will ruin your writing, blocking inventiveness and playfulness and life force. Perfectionism means that you try desperately not to leave so much mess to clean up. But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived.”

This got me thinking about my own perfectionism and all the ways I've worked with it by loving, despising, resisting, and then accepting this part of me. The perfectionist that at one time was a huge Self protector but then ultimately became a big source of feeling shame and inadequacy.

My current stance on this topic of being perfect or feeling that we need to be perfect leads to some of the A's I try to practice daily and share with my clients. I like to refer to these as states of being that create expansion, connection, and more love.

Rather than seeing yourself as needing to be perfect, you could practice being Aware of your process and Acknowledge your progress.

When we Allow ourselves the space to be exactly who we are today (now), rather than who we think we need to be, we move towards feeling greater Acceptance of Self. As as result, we are able to give Attention to things, to others, to life in a completely new, present and whole way.

No longer trying to fix ourselves (or others) so we can feel better. We simply remember to be conscious enough to practice the 5 A's as often as possible. The magic of being in these states is that the more we practice them with our Self, the more ease we feel in being this way with our loved ones.

This isn't taught to us by our parents or our teachers in school. I'm not exactly sure why. If we learned the 5 A's in Kindergarten and were given guidance on how to practice them daily, perhaps we would be different humans living in a much different kind of world.

As for me personally, I have decided to try and makes these the pillars of what I hope will be a long, happy and fruitful marriage. A quick example on how to practice all 5 A's at once is to make it a habit to look at my partner and gaze into his beautiful eyes. Sometimes, he gets squirmy about it at first and then once we have locked eyes, he remembers what it's about.

I will write them here again for you to ponder and begin to practice. These are in no perfect order:

Be Aware

Give Your Attention

Offer Acknowledgement

Let Go of Control and Allow

Accept What Is

Reminder peoples: All any of us humans ever truly want is to feel seen, heard, felt, understood, and above all...Accepted just as we are. This is Love. Always has been, Always will be.

Irving Park - July 5, 2020

Writings for Wonder

Creative writing has been helping to brighten up the gloomy days of 2020. Below is a short haiku about my view on life.

Haiku for the soul

Life is a river

We the vessels that transform

To trust in its flow.

---

I am most excited to share this piece below written by my talented and open-hearted classmate Kirsten Olsen.

You, Incredible You!

Do you know what the Universe wants most for your life? The Universe wants you to feel as incredible about yourself as it feels about you. And that's pretty incredible! You are incredible. There is no one else like you. You are a precious gift to this world!

We are all incredible. We are all unique. And probably, most of us don't show up in the world that way. We don't feel that way about ourselves. We don't treat ourselves that way.

But that is the challenge we've been given in this life--to treat ourselves with the love and devotion that our inherent divinity in form deserves.

I remember a phrase that someone (my psychiatrist, actually), used on me when I was a young teenager. He said, "Who the H do you think you are, God?" He was trying to point out that I didn't need to take responsibility for everyone around me. I used it, of course, to castigate myself and make myself feel guilty, like I did with everything back then.

But now, looking back, I wonder what would have happened if I'd said, "Yes, I do think I'm God! And so are you, and everyone else in this world!" If we just treated ourselves and each other with the same care and devotion we offer God, the world would blossom into Heaven on Earth before our very eyes!

That is the key to this life on earth. And most people don't even get a glimpse of it! We have been schooled to see problems wherever we look, to seek out the negative, fix it and move on to the next thing.

For me, and for many like me, it was easy to cheer for other people, see the good in them, listen to their worries and concerns, hold space for their feelings. It was in learning to do those things for myself that my life began to turn around.

It isn't easy to cheer for ourselves. Most of us were never taught how to do that, much less provided examples of how to do it.  Many of us were taught just the opposite--to criticize ourselves and tear ourselves down.

So, here's a place to start. What if everything we do is 'right'. No matter what it may be, we are always doing whatever we're doing, just right. If you're sitting and reading this blog, you are doing that perfectly. If you're frustrated by what I'm writing, you're being frustrated perfectly.  If you are distracted by other things, you are distracted perfectly.

Let that be a starting place for cheering yourself on. Give yourself the chance to speak out loud, or silently, to no one but yourself, exactly what you're doing perfectly in whatever moment you are in.

Congratulate yourself on the simplest things that you are doing right. Wow, you have really got that breathing down! Look at the fine way you are sitting!

I am so proud of how well you are living you life at this moment. You deserve to have all your dreams come true!

May you be blessed with the most incredible cheerleader on the planet! YOU!

Fear Transforms to Trust

Staring at his reflection, his face was vividly engraved in the tree I layed down next to.

Looking at me as though saying 'you are not alone. I am here with you. I will protect you.'

It had been a long week of exploration, adventure, exhaustion, connection, regression, and progression.

This would be our last night in the wilderness only this time, we were told to sleep on our own with only the comfort of our sleeping bag, cozy socks, whatever warm clothes we had, and our flash light to keep us company and use for protection if needed.

Being the scaredy cat that I am, I initially felt terrified by the idea of sleeping alone out in nature on a mountaintop. No tent, just me with the ground, where anything could cause me discomfort or harm. For starters, I've never been tough for cold temperatures. I'm a Texas girl with South American blood.

On other nights, I relied on sleeping close to my friends/peers for safety and body warmth. And what if an animal decided to attack me in the middle of the night or even worse, eat me!

Being alone on this final night of bravery felt like a test of my strength and courage to fight through fear. More than anything, it was a test of my faith to believe that I was ok, that I would be ok, and that I would be protected by something. By God, Mother Nature, the Universe, an All Knowing Force. Well, it turned out I was being protected by Jesus himself.

He somehow managed to transform his image into the trunk of this sturdy, magnificent tree and allowed me to see him. Not only that, he inspired me to feel his gentle presence and love in a surprising, profound way.

As my tense body relaxed, my heart slowed down, my eyes grew heavy and breath by breath, I eased into letting go enough to trust him fully with my survival, my life.

Something deep inside me knew I was safe and sound. I would rest. My eyes fixed on his reflection in the bark of the tree standing firm and wise next to me.

* this is about my experience on a wilderness trip with Young Life the summer after my junior year of high school in 1994. A time in my life that forever changed me and my relationship with nature and God.

** tree shown here is from a camping tree last year where I again felt deeply connected with a tree, only this particular tree seems to reveal the image of woman with bright eyes and beautiful eyelashes. Can you see her?

Let's Get Seen

When nobody was around, I felt a mixture of comfort and disease. Comfort in the silence, the not having to worry about what others were feeling. Disease about sitting with myself.

So much thinking and pain, shame, sadness, FEAR. Enough fear to fill up a haunted house and make it come to life.

If nobody was around, it meant I was free to do as I please. What will I do with these moments of aloneness? Shall I climb a tree, write, draw, color, or cry?

Oh wait, I know I'll sit around feeling sorry for myself while asking lots of Whys?

Why do I feel so empty? Why do I feel so helpless, so hopeless?

Why can't I feel 'normal' or even better, happy?

What is happy anyway? Is it feeling grateful?

I do have things to feel thankful for – I've got my looks, my smile, my long brown wavy hair. None of this outside stuff matters when you feel so sad and worthless on the inside.

When nobody was around, I would play pretend and imagine myself as a famous movie star. I would sit in front of the bathroom mirror, put my feet in the sink, and talk with myself. I'd make up stories that would usually end in crying. I like to pretend cry at age 3.

Perhaps all of this acting was preparing me for the real tears to come later on in my adulthood.

Growing up feels fun at times, but mostly hard. Life throws you in to experience real, raw pain in the form of abandonment, betrayal, heart break, loss, loneliness, disappointment, disallusionment.

When nobody was around, I dealt with all of this pain. I faced it head on in the mirror, stayed with it, hated it, loved it, cracked open and found the true me under all the dark, gloomy muck that stuck to me each time I loved someone new.

When nobody was around, I healed from the inside out. Dark, dark tunnel and at the end there was light.

Bright sun shining on my face, big heart, new start, Healed and still Healing.

*Being vulnerable is truly the only way to Be. This was written to honor my many years of struggling with depression and codependency.

We officially turn one today even though the idea of rooting and connecting came to life in 2014. Thank you for reading and for being a part of the Root&Connect LLC journey!

What If...

What if we all lived in accordance with our heart and not our brain?

Awaken each morning to check with heart center, place our hand on our chest to hear its beat and truly listen to the inner guidance and wisdom it lovingly offers.

The heart lives in the present. Yeah sure it has memories of old wounds that may not be completely healed, but the blood that pumps through it each day is its form of cleansing and renewal

Staying connected with our heart would drown out the sounds of the ego, the inner critic, the emotions rooted in fear and 'not enoughness'.

A heart is created full and remains full as long you give it the nourishment it needs and craves.

Your own love, the warmth of your hand on it, your compassion, your willingness to sit with it in the good times and the not so good.

This heart is like a muscle waiting for its workout, like the baby waiting for its bottle, like the flowers waiting for the bees, like the trees waiting for someone to come sit under its shade and notice its intricate leaves.

The brain wants to solve, the hearts wants to open, to give, to heal, to feel everything.

Keep listening to your brain, stay there as long as you like.

After enough suffering on the mental hamster wheel, your exhaustion and inner chaos will have no other choice but to direct you downwards...into the heart, the land of green, the place created especially for you to feel alive and human.

What if our hearts spoke with one another before our mouths did?

Ah…like cats purring.

Now, this would be pure peace and authenticity.

All Love!

For more What if’s, see Pandemic Ponderings below written by my talented fiance Chris…

---

Pandemic Ponderings by Chris Chapin

Fight the infection. Stay informed. Shelter in place. Numb the pain. Hoard. Isolate. Survive.

We are living in a wonderland, where down is up and good is bad. Where bustling communities are now fragmented like splintered glass, our weary reflections etched upon the mangled shards. We yearn for communication. A comradery with a kindred spirit, but even though through Zoom we hear it, we miss the very basis of relation. A touch, a hug, a kiss, a handshake, all causalities of this crisis, will we ever connect the same way again? No contact. What is freedom without those to share it? The last man on earth has the world as his oyster and though his body his free his mind is cloistered. No one to share with, no one to laugh, no one to love and no one to hate, his isolation becomes his undoing. Our society has morphed where the free are in cages and the caged are the freest of all, for there is no social distancing among the damned. How farther will we follow the white rabbit?

Hop, hop, hop, bounce, bounce, bounce… the ball rolls methodically across the gym floor, echoing throughout the barren chamber. It’s reverberations haunting my now faded memories. The gym was a place I visited often. The feel of the leathery ball on the hardwood floor, the squeak of sneakers sprinting down the baseline, I was hooked. It brought out the passion in me, it brought out my competitiveness, it allowed me to engage in all the good things in life and release myself from the pressures of this world. I could step onto the court and it was my own nirvana, an oasis for my soul. With rising health concerns, my gym became darkened and subsequently so did my spirits. What if it doesn’t reopen? The droplets of doubts and worries and uncertainties continue to coalesce and gush through my brain like a torrential downpour, flooding any semblance of rational thought. What if my kids lose ground in school, what if the economy doesn’t recover, what if we can’t get married, what if I lose my job? What if this pessimism is the new normal? The great calamity of isolation isn’t the disease of the few, it’s the doubt of the many that accompanies it.

From Yin to Yang

Yin is the dark and Yang is the light.

Today, I'd like to share some phrases I've heard from others that captured the attention of my brain and heart. These words have helped me shift perspective so that I'm able to approach life (and what happens for me) in a lighter way. They also remind me to not take myself too seriously.

- Pour your mind into your breath. ~ yoga teacher R.D.

Doesn't the imagery of this make you feel more free inside?

I imagine my mind as an antique water jug filled with endless thoughts that need to be freed into an open space of flowing energy and movement. The endless currents of my thinking need a place to deposit just as the rivers run into the oceans.

- Relax, nothing is under control. ~ yoga teacher R.D.

I love a good oxymoron! This one screws with & fascinates my brain kind of like a rubiks cube does. As humans, we are almost always wanting to feel in control because we like things our way or we want to be certain of what will happen next. Essentially, we seek safety, security or comfort.

If this pandemic has taught us anything, it is that nothing is under control.

What does this statement bring up for you- a sense of fear or freedom?

If you can learn to believe deep down in your core, that you are okay and no matter what, you will be okay...the practice of relaxing becomes more natural and easy.

- Smile at your brain. ~ yoga teacher R.D.

Oh dear brain, how I love you and despise you. We give so much of our power to the brain while often times we ignore our heart. If we could remember to smile at our brain then perhaps we could learn to take it less seriously. The master of the brain is the body and the master of the body is our breath. Smile at your brain and lighten up. Think less, feel more.

- This is exceptionally temporary. ~ M.E.

Old Buddhist saying? Not exactly, but sure does sound like one. Expressed by a creative client of mine who didn't realize the wisdom in his words. As the Buddhist teachings remind us – 'Everything in life is temporary. Every birth is a death. Every death is a birth. Transformation is infinite.'

Isn't everything in life extraordinarily temporary?

Life has become more enjoyable to live since the moment my mind and heart both accepted that everything is a process. All things are ever-changing. This includes our Self. We are a process and our state of being is exceptionally temporary. Today you will think and feel one way. Tomorrow you may wake up to think and feel a new way.

This is what makes living life so beautiful. There is a gentle delicacy with impermanence, similar to the cherry blossom petals that fall each spring.

Bask in the temporary called now. Move towards the light by working to reframe how you perceive your reality.

Open Your Heart

This time of major SLOW DOWN and INTROSPECTION has felt healing and chaotic with BIG WAVES OF EMOTION ranging from Gratitude to Helplessness.

I like to listen to an astrologer who calls himself Kaypacha. You can find him on youtube under the name Astrology for the Soul. His astrological reading for March 18th was informative and heart altering for me.

Here I share some of what he says:

“Let's learn from this experience. Check the health effects on the planet. Move into the future responsibly. We need to be taking responsibility for the old people, for each other, for our self, for the great Mother.”

“When we put profit above Life, the environment., and above everything else to the point of lying, hiding or denying; this is what has brought this on from a spiritual perspective. This is a major reset to help us get back to the human nature, to our human qualities and go forward as a family to create future community.”

“It is very sad that death, panic, and crashing economies are necessary to wake us up to this need to stay in our heart's space.”

He ends his message with this:

“Mantra for now: When I live today like there is no tomorrow, I give thanks for the love I have shared with other. May you share the love. Aloha, Namaste, So much love.”

These words inspired me to look back on some of my photos from earlier times when the world seemed more alright than it does now. I stumbled upon something I had written a while ago but never shared.

Kaypacha’s message to stay in my heart space encouraged me to practice being vulnerable and open my heart to all of you here by sharing some of what I feel love for in this life.

After reading this, I hope it may move you to want to explore in your own heart what it is that you love. Take some time to write it down. Perhaps one day when you are no longer living in physical form here on planet Earth, others who knew and loved you will be able to rejoice with your spirit by remembering you and what you felt deep love for.

I Love…

I love how crisp everything looks outside after a good rain.

I love hearing a cat purr when I rub its belly.

I love watching the sun set.

I love it when a butterfly flutters around me.

I love when someone remembers something I said a while ago and brings it up.

I love how everyone’s laugh, sneeze, and voice sounds different.

I love to ride my bike with no hands.

I love when I surprise myself and discover I’m good at something I’ve never tried before.

I love the sound of the ocean both on land and underwater.

I love being kissed all over my face including my eyelids.

I love when someone sees something in me that I haven’t quite fully discovered in myself.

I love feeling cared for by someone who nurtures me with all their heart.

I love when someone is genuinely curious about me and asks questions that no one has ever asked me before.

I love watching people dance.

I love it when people smile.

I love watching children use their imaginations.

I love feeling the aliveness and energy that people exude when they are performing and engaged in something they love to do with all their heart and soul.

I love people who wear their emotions on their sleeve because they have nothing to hide.

I love to feel loved.

I love to love.

I love watching a person create, especially a child.

I love how God knows every part of me and pours his love into me through the Holy Spirit each and every day.

February 2016 - one month after moving to Portland, Oregon from Austin, Texas - my first visit to Cannon Beach on a magically perfect day!

Earth Birthed Anew

In the midst of this crazy time for the globe, I've been reflecting on what I want to say and how I want to say it.

What? and How? are two questions that I imagine many of us in the world may be stewing on right now.

What is going to happen?

What do I do with myself?

How can I help?

How will we come out of this?

How will things be different when the dust settles?

Despite all of the chaos that I hear about when tuning into the news or social media, there has been a new sense of calm and stillness that is difficult to put into words. It's a feeling. A kind of massive slow down which at certain times feels like an actual planet pause.

Ever since physical distancing started and hunkering down at home became the new norm, I've adopted a self care routine that I thank my intuition for guiding me into because it truly has been my saving grace.

Staying connected with nature and observing new life grow is one constant that I am relying on right now for reassurance. Being consistent with a daily 20 minute meditation has been essential to my maintaining balance (for the most part) and feeling grounded. It has felt as though source from Mother Earth has been blessing me with revelations of truth and healing so that I can stay centered enough to be able to help those around me and the people that I work with.

During one of my meditations, I was visited by the sun who was encouraging me to tell others about its healing powers by imagining that we could place the sun inside of ourselves. The heat, warmth, and energy of the sun would be our weapon to 1. protect us and 2. heal us from the inside out.

In a different meditation, I began to feel the weight of the world's economic crisis and literally felt my heart heavy as I imagined all of the people who are experiencing intense, raw fear about not being able to work and make money to pay for their basic necessities. This pain that felt so real and energetically charged was soothed by a visualization of trees turning their leaves into paper money raining on all of the earth. That moment in time felt precious. Fear and anxiety transformed into abundance and generosity.

This Monday's meditation revealed two words that have become my new mantra: Appreciate and Accept.

In some ways, I would like to believe that we are all being given this “coronacation” because a global transformation is in order and absolutely necessary for the well being of our Mother Earth and all of the hearts that breathe and live on it.

Of course, I know that for many people in the world, this is the furthest thing from a vacation or a time of relief. I want to honor that. There is no greater pain than the kind we experience when we lose someone we love or fear we may lose them. Fear and loneliness also cause us tremendous pain.

It's as though this pandemic has created an enormous energetic wave of grief and loss throughout the world that almost feels like a permanent veil we are all having to learn how to breathe through.

If you weren’t feeling your emotions before the virus, what emotions are you experiencing on a daily basis, now that it has impacted your community and loved ones in one way or another?

Loss of freedom and control constricts our hearts. Uncertainty rattles our brains. The fear we all normally carry in our bellies is being exposed and our anxiety causes an unfamiliar panic inside us that in certain moments feels impossible to tame.

With all of this going on, I can imagine that looking inward right now seems terrifying. But, what if perhaps all of this is happening for this exact reason? For the purpose to slow us down enough to take a pause and shine some light inside our self while we sit and feel this darkness?

Our 'normal' life goes something like this: So many day to day distractions, constant going, thinking, consistent pressures to do more, achieve more, make more, be more. The level of stress that most of us carry around in our bodies as a result of living this way is slowly killing us. The pandemic virus could potentially result in the same fate, the only difference being the longevity of our suffering.

I've discovered during this trying time that my antidote for fear is to practice two things – gratitude and generosity. Gratitude by feeling a deep appreciation for even the smallest of things and truly seeing the wonder in simplicity. Mindfulness helps me with this as it has been a close confidant of mine for the last 10 years. Being more present to what is rather than what I want it to be is what saved me from the dark depths of depression and anxiety years ago. And this ability to be present with myself, others, and life is what now serves as my armor while I learn to embrace being a spiritual warrior.

A spiritual warrior is one who lives in alignment with their truth through conscious choice of what they want to live for and how they want to live. My spiritual warriorship depends on God because this is the force that I believe to be in charge of all and everything for better or for worse.

The spiritual warrior inside me rests in peace asking these questions:

What will I choose to focus on moment to moment?

How will I relate to my own pain that ultimately stems from my fear of not being in control and not knowing for certain what will happen?

Thankfully the answers to my questions have already come to me from source during one of my morning meditations: I choose to Appreciate and Accept. I do this because I trust in God with all of my heart and accept his/her will.

I invite you to shift the focus of your What? and How? questions so that your moments of decision produce a better outcome for you and those around you.

What can I do in this moment to take better care of myself?

What positive affirmations will I choose to focus on to combat my fear?

What will my new norm look like when this passes?

How can I extend myself towards others so that I am less consumed by my own pain?

How can I move into a state of appreciation for what remains good and accept what is?

How will I choose to live more consciously once the pause button is released?

Please stay Pause-itive as Mother Earth takes some deep breaths before we are birthed anew. Sending love out to all of you.

**If you would like help or encouragement to create your own daily self care routine, please feel free to reach out. Self care = self love and this is what Root & Connect is all about.

“Prov. 3 Verses 5 to 6

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

What Gets You In...To the Moment?

Whenever one of my sessions leads us into a meditation exercise where I am encouraging a client to close their eyes and go inward, the outcome when we open our eyes and return to the room sounds something like this:

'That was relaxing' or 'Wow, I just noticed how stressed I am' or 'I feel much more calm'

It's interesting for me to imagine my life where the only time I close my eyes is when I am ready to fall asleep.

This begs the question of: Do most people only stop to relax when their head hits the pillow?

This thought leads me into a web of curiosity where my mind ponders things like:

How do people really know themselves if they never spend a quiet moment in silence and stillness?

When do people truly connect with their inner most self (higher self) if they never stop to check in?

Why is it so hard for people to stop moving, thinking, doing?

The truth is that after years of working with people in an up close and personal way, I've learned that the majority of us struggle with anxiety that manifests in these ways:

• planning

• self-criticizing

• judging

• feeling angry

• controlling by trying to guarantee an outcome

• spending time in our head asking 'what if' questions

The Root of Anxiety is the emotion of Fear.

The more we resist being alone in (and with) our self, with our own thoughts and emotions, the greater the fear will grow and persist. This then becomes an emotional pattern that we become accustomed to, not necessarily comfortable with (see image below).

What if I told you that the only way to dissolve the Fear is to sit with it?

Think about something that you do now in your life that gets you into the present moment.

For me, this is meditation, a bike ride, drawing, coloring, writing, mindful walking, admiring nature, hugging a tree, rubbing my cat’s belly, cooking, seeing, touching, smelling, and tasting my food, massaging my body with oil, laying down in the grass, staring up at the clouds. I could go on and on…

This can be any activity that requires your focused attention, however, does not necessarily involve staring at a screen. When we are on screens, we are focused on what we are looking at, however, this does not mean that we are actually in the moment. Quite the contrary, we are escaping reality to feel disconnected from the here and now...the actual moment.

Now, see if you can close your eyes for a few moments. Check in. What do you feel?

This could be the most important moment of your day.

Your Core Self

This is one of my favorite things to talk about because I truly feel passionate about exploring the Self.

Our Self is dynamic and complex even when we want to keep it simple.

Think of the practices we hear about and/or try to understand so that we are able to form a different kind of relationship with our self. I like to imagine that they unfold in this kind of order where one practice morphs into the next. This natural flow of our development occurs so that we can learn how to live feeling better about our self as we wade through life.

self control

self discipline

self awareness

self care

self love

self acceptance

self worth

self empowerment

Ultimately, these practices serve as a barometer to measure how we feel about ourselves and the way we choose to engage with people, places, and things.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a specific form of therapy that I use with clients to help them better understand themselves and why they operate the way they do.

The IFS theory is that each person is a system made up of parts which dictate how we relate with our own self, our relationships, and daily living. Inside each of us is a family of parts influencing what we place our focus on, how we respond to situations, and how we manage to keep our system functioning, safe, and alive.

The part I like best about IFS is the belief that we are all born with a Core Self and when we allow ourselves to be led by this Core Self, we engage in ways that help us to feel whole, happy, and fulfilled.

When we are living from our Core Self, we are BEING and FEELING these ways:

CURIOUS

CALM

CENTERED

CONFIDENT

CONNECTED

COURAGEOUS

COMPASSION

CLARITY

CREATIVE

Lately, I have been encouraging my clients to make their own list of the Core Self values to put them somewhere visible so they can begin the practice of trying to incorporate these ways of being and feeling into their daily life.

Can you imagine what the world would be like if we CHOSE to wake up everyday telling our self that we will relate with our own self and engage with whatever comes our way from a place of:

calmness, curiosity, feeling centered, willing to connect, offering compassion, having courage and clarity, feeling confident and being creative?

I believe that these core self values could be the solution to much of the suffering that happens in the world. Practicing them could be a revolutionary way to teach our children what to focus on and ways they can strive to be and feel on a daily basis.

When it comes to the relationship with myself and with others, I know that the more I practice these core self values, the better I feel as a person.

This is an invitation to start today right where you are. Print out this list or write these core values down in your own personal handwriting. Put them on the fridge, share them with your kids, partners, friends, family, and coworkers.

Begin by telling yourself: 'For today, I will try to practice being and feeling: calm, curious, centered, connected, compassionate, courageous, clear, confident and creative.

Simple Things Matter Most

These words have been in the making in my mind for quite some time. They were inspired most recently during a yoga class by this woman's foot you see here above. And before that, from a book I have been reading mindfully for the last year called 'The Hidden Life of Trees'.

It's the kind of book where one chapter feeds you enough information to chew on for days. Then when you're done chewing, you go out into nature to hang with trees with a new consciousness about what's going on inside of them.

I've enjoyed getting to know the life of trees on a deeper, more intimate level because 1. I love trees and 2. I like to explore things on a more intimate level.

Intimate defined as an adjective means very friendly, or personal or private. Originally the spelling was 'intime' from French and from Latin 'intimus' meaning 'innermost', from intus meaning 'within'.

So basically, I am interested in understanding 'the innermost, within' places of human beings and trees. Cats would be fun too. You know, the simple things.

What I've learned from this book is that underneath our feet living in the soil amongst the trees are more life forms than there are people on the planet. Wow!

These species work the soil, transform it, and make it valuable for the trees. They are so important and yet they cannot be detected with the naked eye. These practically invisible little creatures are actually the first link in the food chain.

This was mind enlightening information which brought a new awareness for me about the circle of life. I had always known the importance of soil in order to grow food, but I had no idea of the multitude of tiny creatures doing their part to help both us and trees sustain life on earth.

I have felt influenced to be even more intentional about the small and simple things we usually take for granted and/or don't even think about. I've been noticing more, particularly in nature. The tiny leaves of a flower, the softness of petals, the smell of a stem, the aging of trees, the soil beneath my feet.

As my way of giving back, I try to imagine these little life forms being busy underground and working hard to keep this all going. I send them love and energy through feeling gratitude for them. I do this because I want to feel a more intimate connection to them while supporting their cause.

Why? Because I truly believe that we are all one. We are one with all living things. Even the simple things we think don't matter, are in reality the things that matter most.

This time of year reminds us to feel and demonstrate gratitude. What do you feel gratitude for? Who are you grateful to have in your life?

Take a mindful moment to express this gratitude to others and to all the simple things around you. And don't forget the little guys that live beneath our feet.

Happy Give Thanks Day this week and every day!

The Combination of Fortune and Will

My recent favorite yoga studio and teacher inspire creativity for my spirit and balance for my body.

The teacher I enjoy most is a woman with long dark curly hair, hazel eyes, and fair skin. She has a tenderness to her and an enthusiasm for yoga unlike any I've encountered before. Her playful style is infectious so naturally, when she speaks in the class, her words truly land. They land in my heart and vibrate my spirit because the knowledge she shares about the body and how to relate with it, wakes me up.

One thing I've caught her say at the end of class when we are closing is this 'It is the combination of fortune and will that brought us here today to share this space and do something good for our body and our Self. Let us be thankful to these two things that have made it possible'.

These may not be her words verbatim, but it's the gist of what I hear and how I receive it.

Now isn't this something we can say about just about anything?

What I mean is that life can be viewed as a series of moments where we see, hear, interpret, and then choose to accept or reject.

I write about this perfect combo of fortune and will because the thought is intriguing and makes me want to explore its meaning in more depth.

So let's see…Fortune + Will = What? A certain result, a desired outcome, an invigorating yoga class or maybe just an experience that feels important for both body, mind, and spirit.

Ah yes, yoga means union of body, mind and spirit. As far as I am concerned this is not only an experience, it is THE experience worth living for. I don't mean THE ONLY experience worth living for. What I do mean is that bringing these parts into union is what helps us to experience feeling a sense of wholeness.

So wait, I think I've got it now...Fortune + Will = Feeling Whole and why is this such a big deal?

Well, because this is what we are all longing for regardless of whether or not we are aware of it.

We humans all seek to feel complete so that we can divert the itch in us all that tells us:

'you are not enough', 'there is something missing', 'you need this to be happy', 'do something and you will feel worthy', 'your life only has meaning if you do, succeed, and others notice and accept it'

I am sorry to tell you this, but that itch inside of us which I like to refer to as the inner critic, is wrong. The inner critic wants you to believe that life is about striving to be perfect, to have more, to look better, to be liked by everyone or else...you are nothing and life has no meaning.

The sooner you begin to realize that this itch inside of you is merely an old part of you which is attached to the wounded child inside of you rather then the adult you who has the power to heal those wounds, the better you will choose to live your life.

Not for any one thing or endeavor, but because life is meant to be lived feeling gratitude, peace, joy, and curiosity - the sum of these being LOVE.

I've got one more for you...Fortune + Will = Living Life to its Fullest.

For me, Fortune does not mean cash money. It means Luck with a whole of lot of Belief and Gratitude. Another way I say Fortune is Blessed.

And Will means Energy, Motivation, and Choice. I have to Will myself to Believe. I have to Will myself to do.

Will is what gets me in the morning:

'Today, I Will make this a great day. I Will choose to be grateful. I will choose to be happy with what IS rather than how my brain tells me it 'should' be'.

Speaking of Fortune and Will...I have to admit that this is a recent theme in my life for another reason outside of yoga class. For at least 15 years, I have wanted to visit Greece. Why?

1. I love Greek food and culture

2. I like the way Greek people look (I am a sucker for dark hair and light eyes..green or blue)

3. I am an island girl at heart

4. The beach and me..we are one

5. The idea of going to Greece has always sounded romantic

This year I Willed this Dream to Come True. I was Fortunate enough to go to Greece for 2 weeks and island hop to some of the most spectacular places I have ever seen. I took in the views, the culture, the food, the people, the beaches, the sun, and so so much beauty. The big plus is that I got to experience all of this with my dream guy.

And so...Fortune + Will = The Experience of a Lifetime

The things I learned about Greece that I didn't already know:

1. The lamb gyro we eat here in America, does not exist there. They eat only pork or chicken gyros.

2. Veal is a common dish on the menu.

3. Greece is full of feral cats everywhere. I took 122 pictures of cats for the 2020 cat calendar I Will to create.

4. Toilet paper is not allowed to be flushed down the toilets. Even in the larger cities like Athens.

5. Gelato is big there.

6. Many Greek people have beautiful blue eyes.

7. The evil eye is everywhere which they use as a symbol for protection and positive energy.

8. Souvlaki refers to shish kabob.

9. Cigarette smoking is still in style.

10. Coffee is served with the grounds in the cup.

11. The Mediterranean Sea remains to be my favorite water to swim in.

12. The people of Greece are warm, friendly, and somewhat intense which the Latina in my loved.

In what ways can the combination of Fortune and Will help you to Live and Feel the way that you truly want?

Make 3 wishes now, write them down, and then Will yourself to make these dreams happen!

Fortune is in the heart of the Beholder.

Cable car in Santorini, Greece

Presence

In what ways are you present for others?

How do you practice being present for yourself?

This topic of presence is probably why I am in the field I'm in, doing what I can to help people learn and understand the importance of being present through mindful living.

Why? Because presence is what was missing for me in my childhood which then turned into a learned behavior where I was seldom present for others or myself. I didn't know how to be.

I lived in my own bubble staying highly focused on what was wrong, what I wanted, what I needed, and how others were impacting me rather than how I could positively impact others.

This was painful for the child in me, the teen in me, and the adult me.

When people say they want and crave connection with others, what they're really saying is that they want to feel presence. We all want to feel that our presence matters just as much as we want to feel that others are present for us during an interaction.

As a mindfulness counselor, I've been honing in on presence and its meaning by starting with me. Meditation is my practice of being present with self by placing my focused attention on breath, body, mind, and more importantly, spirit and emotions.

When I can sit still in silence with myself and tune out all other distractions, I am experiencing presence. I am growing my capacity for brain and body to be still, to feel and be felt.

This is what we all long for. To be seen, to be heard, to be felt and to be accepted just as we are.

I offer presence through eye contact, listening, touching, tasting, and smelling.

I offer presence through reaching out to the people I care about.

I offer presence when I am curious and ask questions.

I offer presence when I take walks and admire trees.

I offer presence when I move my body and truly feel its layers of skin, muscle, and tissue.

I offer presence when I look up at the sky and feel gratitude for the sun shining.

I offer presence by opening my heart and sharing my deepest and true feelings.

I offer presence whenever possible because this is the best way I know how to show love.

For me, presence is EVERYTHING.

Pulsating

Raw

Energy

Sensationally

Exchanged

Now

Continually

Existing

Be present moment to moment as often as possible - Observe. Notice. Receive. and Repeat.

Presence matters to all people (kids especially) and Life deserves it!

Transitions

In life, change is inevitable. People normally respond to a change in one of two ways – with open arms feeling nervous excitement or with lots of resistance and feeling fear because change takes us out of our comfort zone and away from what we are used to.

Summertime is coming to an end fairly soon. August is the month where the heat comes on strong just before the subtle cool down begins.

Kids go back to school. Vacations are wrapping up. And Mother Nature does her work to remind us of where we are through changes in temperature, climate, and moon cycles.

As a person who has worked in schools for the majority of my adulthood, life for me used to happen in semesters and when I left schools to work as a psychotherapist, life happens in seasons.

With each season come changes, both in our external world and our internal world regardless of whether or not, we are consciously aware of it. Often times life takes care of making change happen for us in the form of transition.

For various reasons, we either choose to make transitions or we get catapulted into making one to help in our evolution. We transition from being in a relationship to getting out of one, from working one job to transferring to another, from leaving one home into one that better meets our needs, from being full-time parents to empty nesters, from being students to employees, and from living in one city to moving to another.

Even when we don't understand why these transitions need to happen, the universe or God forces us to make this change for our betterment. In the midst of the transition, we may not feel that the change is what's best for us, but there is something inside that pushes us to keep moving forward and taking the steps necessary to complete the transition. The consistent choice we must make is to accept or resist.

For years, I have seen life in this way, so change is something that comes natural for me. Most of the time, I face change with ease because change is what I can expect. Life truly is like a river, full of transitions and changes that take twists and turns which are often unpredictable and vary between calm and chaos.

Life has taught me that nothing remains the same because there is no permanence to any one living thing. Trees, leaves, plants, flowers, grass all grow, die, and then grow back again. Streams, rivers, and oceans move and change direction with a perfect balance of smoothness and strength. People and animals are always aging and with this comes change in physical appearance along with mental, emotional, and (hopefully) spiritual growth.

Recently, I invited some friends to float the Clackamas River here in Oregon. What I was imagining to be a relaxing day of fun in the water with sun and tree gazing unexpectedly turned into being a crazy adventure of uncertainty, anticipation, worry, tons of fear, some panic, and above all connectedness and a lot of faith!

The low level of the river brought about moments of being stuck on rocks, the force of the rapids caused a few of us to fall over and scrape ourselves, the setting of the sun came too soon which brought on purple lips and shivering bodies, and we were faced with the frightening reality that we may not make the shore before the sky turned pitch black.

In the midst of what was happening, I kept reminding myself to trust God and Mother Nature. Each time that we were plunged into a moment of turbulence where someone fell over and hurt themselves, someone lost their float, or we couldn't see our end in sight around the next bend, I would take deep breaths and help in whatever way possible to reach safety again. I calmed myself by consciously connecting with the peace of the water's waves and the sky which had turned into a pinkish purple dusk.

I share this experience of the river float because what I learned from this memorable adventure will forever stick with me and seems pertinent to this topic of transitions.

The river teaches me that:

• Change will happen.

• We are never alone.

• There is always someone to ask for help or someone you can lean on for support.

• We are meant to live in connection with others.

• People will step up when it is a matter of life or death.

• Our comfort zone is temporary.

• The experience we are in now is impermanent.

• Just like waves, life's energy will push us down and we have to get back up to move forward.

• The best way to survive is to go with the flow AND be aware of what we need to do when the change feels harder.

• Let go and let the water (life's purpose for you) lead the way. 

• There is always a reason to be feel grateful for life and the beauty of nature that surrounds us.

River warriors

This in dedication to the 'Nailed It' river float team. Thank you for being warriors on this day of unexpected and scary transitions. Being on dry land has never felt better and I am so thankful that we all braved the changes that were forced upon us by the mighty river of life. Let's float on!

Feelings Matter (part three)

What Emotional Neglect is NOT…

Being Present and Giving Attention because this is True Love.

Towards Self

• Give attention to your feelings.

• Make sure you get your needs met.

• Talk about a situation that is causing you strife or confusion.

• Be true to yourself (even when it requires you to make a difficult decision).

• Care about how you feel just as much as you care about others feelings.

• Show yourself compassion even when you feel shame or regret for a choice you've made.

• Cry when you feel sad or hopeless.

• Listen to yourself.

• Teach people how to treat you by demonstrating how you treat you with love and respect.

• Comfort yourself in moments of fear or anxiety.

• Lift yourself up by taking an action that will ease your pain or sorrow.

Towards Others

• Give attention to another person's feelings when it is clear they need to be felt by you.

• Do your best to meet the needs of those you love and care about.

• Talk through a situation, particularly when you notice that someone feels hurt (it doesn't matter if you think you're in the right or not).

• Be your authentic self with others.

• Care about others feelings by taking actions that show you care (a phone call, a text, a visit, an invitation, a pat on the back, a hug, a kiss, send a card, write a letter, give a gift).

• Show others compassion by listening to them and putting yourself in their shoes (pride and aloofness create disconnect).

• Allow for someone to cry in front of you if they need to and when they are finished, give them an embrace or a gentle touch.

• Listen to people by giving them attention with your eyes, ears, and your heart.

• Ask others questions about themselves or their experiences and be interested in what they have to say.

• Comfort the people you love and care about by being present for them.

Let’s Talk Kids

Emotional Neglect has the capacity to damage a child's self esteem and self worth. As children we need to be seen, heard, and felt by the people who brought us into the world. Many people have children without thinking about what it truly requires to raise a whole, healthy and confident human being.

If you know that you don't have the physical, mental or emotional energy to be present for and give attention to a child perhaps having children is not really something you want to do in your life.

I write this for all of the children in the world now and for all of the adults in the world who were once children. Every human being deserves to be seen, heard, and have their feelings validated especially in a moment of suffering and through the challenging phases of growth. Life is beautiful and also very hard.

Parents - Please teach your children that their feelings matter and that you care to know how they feel by talking openly about your own feelings and modeling to them that having feelings is a natural part of being alive. Allow them the space to know and understand that emotions are not something to be ashamed of.

People – Let's celebrate when feelings are shared! You may find that in your relationships, there will be more sharing, more connecting, increased confidence, a stronger sense of belonging and a deeper love experienced among all.

Feelings are just as important as Thoughts. Let’s Celebrate that we can feel and let’s not be afraid to talk about them!

Feelings Matter (part two)

Emotional Neglect. It may possibly be the root of all human suffering and global chaos.

If you missed part one on this topic, you may want to refer back for context.

Emotional Neglect is making the choice to do nothing about your own emotional state and choosing to ignore the emotions of the people you consider yourself to be in relationship with - adults and children.

My brain has decided to divide Emotional Neglect into categories in hopes that this may be more helpful in understanding how neglecting emotions rears its ugly head and infiltrates our day to day living.

Emotional Neglect towards Self:

1. suppressing feelings that cause you to feel discomfort.

2. choosing not to talk about what you feel out of fear of how it will be received or misperceived.

3. dismissing any emotion that feels too heavy to express, particularly if you feel shame about what you’re feeling.

4. telling yourself that you don't want to deal with feeling...sad, disappointed, hurt, angry, anxiety, fear.

5. pretending you are not hurt when really, you are deeply hurt by a situation or by a person.

6. resisting an emotion like anger because you think it is not okay to express anger because someone in your life influenced you to either fear anger or feel disgust towards anger.

7. refusing to listen to your own needs.

8. not giving yourself what you need in the moment when your body, mind, spirit, and emotions are clearly communicating what that need is.

9. holding back tears when every cell in your body is begging you to release them.

10. doing nothing about feeling depression and anxiety and instead choosing to be a victim of these states of being.

11. choosing not speak your truth with others because of fear that you will be judged, rejected or abandoned.

12. making choices that do not align with what your true self is wanting and needing.

13. not being compassionate with yourself.

Emotional Neglect towards Self is rejecting Yourself.

Emotional Neglect towards others:

1. telling others around you how to feel or what not to feel.

2. shaming someone for feeling a certain way.

3. refusing to talk to a person you know is feeling hurt, sad, or angry because those emotions cause you to feel discomfort or scare you.

4. pretending like feelings don't exist or instilling the belief that feelings are inadequate.

5. laughing at a person when they are crying or throwing a temper tantrum.

6. brushing things under the rug particularly when people’s feelings are involved.

7. placing value on what others think and not caring about what others feel.

8. choosing to ignore a person's needs because doing so would inconvenience your needs or desires.

9. not believing someone when they tell you about an experience that felt painful or confusing.

10. being dishonest and choosing to hide the truth out of fear of how you may be judged or seen.

11. not comforting a person when it is clear they are seeking comfort either with words or affection.

12. not validating a person's feelings when it is obvious (through actions and words) they need to feel seen, heard and felt by you.

13. not being compassionate with others.

Emotional Neglect towards others is a form of abandoning another person.

From my years of experience working as a counselor and hearing people's stories, I have learned that most of us feel a deep seated pain from feeling either rejected or abandoned at some point in our lives.

Rather than dwell on how we have been rejected or abandoned by others, the path to healing requires that we stop rejecting and abandoning ourselves.

We all have the power and awareness to know what we need, when we need it, and how to get it.

Love is intrinsic and comes from your very own heart. The way in which we grow our capacity to love is by first exploring what it means to love Self by learning to meet our own needs. We connect with our mind, body, spirit, and emotions, listen to what they need from us and we nourish them the way a mother or father would feed his or her own child.

Unconditional Love is the opposite of Emotional Neglect :

Love = Attention / Emotional Neglect = Not giving Attention To.

Feelings Matter (part one)

Emotional Neglect. This is a topic I have been wanting to write about for quite some time now.

I remember the first time I heard these words voiced out loud thinking to myself, 'wow, this very well may be the root of all human suffering'.

As years go by and I sit in my therapist chair listening to people's stories of pain that brought them in to talk with me, I am amazed at how every person's experience can look and sound so different and yet, the common thread circles back to Emotional Neglect.

What is Emotional Neglect anyway?

Well, before I look it up on google, I will share what my brain makes of these two words when you clump them together. Emotions that are ignored. Feelings that are not validated. A child whose needs do not get met because the adults in the room either 1. do not know how to meet the need 2. do not know how to feel their own emotions 3. do not know how to talk about feelings and 4. feel total and complete fear of the energy in the room that requires an overwhelming amount of attention, patience, and understanding.

Now, the google definition 1 says: Emotional Neglect is, in some ways, the opposite of mistreatment and abuse. Whereas mistreatment and abuse are parental acts, Emotional Neglect is a parent's failure to act. It's a failure to notice, attend to, or respond appropriately to a child's feelings.

I also found this information on what is Emotional Neglect in a relationship which says: When a couple is emotionally attuned to each other, they experience emotional connection and emotional intimacy. In a relationship or marriage emotional neglect is when a partner consistently fails to notice, attend to, and respond in a timely manner to a partner or spouse's feelings. ...Emotional neglect is common.

All of us adults know exactly what it feels like when we are not getting the attention we need from our partner. We know when we are feeling an emotional disconnect with someone we love or when a feeling we express is not validated by the person we are seeking to be seen, heard, and felt by.

But, why is this so f..ing hard?

From my own experience and what I know about other humans, I can say that 1. feeling emotions we don't want to feel is extremely Uncomfortable 2. knowing how to validate your own feelings is hard enough so validating someone else's feelings will naturally be a challenge and 3. we are all afraid to show others our big feelings because A. what if we get rejected? B. what if we are seen as weak? C. feelings are for sissies and D. thinking and doing is way more acceptable than feeling.

There is so much more I want and need to say on this topic because it is intricate. It's like an onion that you can never stop peeling the layers of. Sticky, sharp, and pungent. You just want to cover it up, seel it tight, hope and pray that its smell doesn't seep out and start to linger all over the place.

The irony is that, just like an onion, this is exactly what neglecting your emotions will do. Feelings are alive and have a mind of their own. Like an onion, emotions are strong, powerful, pervasive, penetrating, suffocating, and stifling when you ignore them and choose not to express them.

When was the last time you acknowledged how you truly feel inside?

When was the last time you validated your partner's or your child's emotions?

Take a moment to identify what you feel in this moment and name it.

Take a few moments to look at your loved one or child in the eye and say 'I can see that you are feeling sad or angry or disappointed right now, do you want to talk about why?'

This is how we bridge the two hemispheres of our brain. This is a practice that helps us to feel whole.

To be continued….

Feel the Earth Embrace You

What is your relationship to mother earth?

Do you ever think about how much she does for all that lives and breathes?

In yoga a few weeks ago, a lovely teacher ended the class with these gentle words during Shavasana, 'let the embrace of the earth come to meet you exactly where you're at'.

This stirred up warm, fuzzy feelings inside of me as my mind visualized trees spreading out their branches to hug me as I walked by on the cool, moist grass soothing my achy feet and feeling comforted by the blue open sky with soft puffy clouds.

My relationship with mother earth has been growing more and more since I discovered my love for trees and the ease that being in nature brings me. The epiphany I had when I moved to Portland was ‘you are never alone, but when you do feel lonely, go be with the trees’.

Mother Nature has become deeply rooted underneath me and also inside of me because her calm and wisdom and love is infinite when I choose to listen.

This past weekend, I was catching up with an old friend from my counseling graduate program who shared that in the last few days she had participated in a group meditation that invited her to connect with the spirit of mother earth to offer gratitude for all that she provides us humans. My friend said that in her 43 years of life, she had never experienced this kind of awareness and love for mother earth before.

It dawned on me that perhaps there are many people like my friend who don't have a close and personal relationship with nature. Much of this has to do with nature vs. nurture. If you live in a place where being in nature is part of daily life, then perhaps you will grow an affinity for it. And if you were born in a place where concrete has replaced the majority of trees and dirt, then it's possible that awareness of mother earth is an afterthought.

There has been quite a bit of talk about this past week being the end of a cosmic cycle and the start of a new galactic year. A time to release old energy and forgive the past before moving into a new cosmic year with a brand new frequency to our planet based on alignment and our ability to attract soul-fulfilling connections and experiences.

What this means for us all is that the energy of the earth is something we feel each day regardless of whether or not we are aware of it. Earth is consistently holding us, feeding us with its energy, and embracing us. We are the creatures which inhabit her. We live in symbiosis with mother nature because this is what we need to live and survive.

Take time out of your daily concrete and steel confinement to breath in the air, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, and the moisture of the grass beneath your feet. Mother earth wants for all of us to thrive and feel more alive.

Last Saturday, I went to see a wonderful movie call Yesterday. The premise of the movie is a struggling singer-songwriter who discovers that no one has ever heard of the Beatles music and so he decides to spread the beautiful words of love and truth from all of their songs. This inspired me to research if the Beatles ever wrote about mother nature and well, of course they did! Go on, take a listen…the lyrics are below the video.

Sing to Mother Nature and make her happy!

Mother Nature’s Son by the Beatles

Born a poor young country boy
Mother Nature's son
All day long I'm sitting singing songs for everyone.

Sit beside a mountain stream
See her waters rise
Listen to the pretty sound of music as she flies.

Find me in my field of grass
Mother Nature's son
Swaying daises sing a lazy song beneath the sun.

Mother Nature's son.

Expectations

I've come to learn through my own experiences and from counseling others that there are a few ways we can ensure pain and suffering for ourselves.

To name a few are: resisting change, making comparisons, focusing on what we're lacking rather than on what we have, and ah yes...those funny things we conjure up in our minds called expectations.

My mother gave me this Serenity prayer many years ago. When I look back on that time, I am certain that I lived with a whole lot of expectations of not only myself, but of others and of life. I was full of pain.

Serenity prayer in English reads:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

In the last month or so, I have found myself repeating the wise words a friend of mine shared with me a couple of years ago...'people will rise to that which they are capable of'.

I remember when hearing these words, thinking to myself 'wow, if I could just keep reminding myself of this, I could save myself a lot of hurt and disappointment'. The truth is that for years I've known that human beings will disappoint. The answer to why is very simple. People disappoint one another because they are imperfect human beings with different upbringings, experiences, perspectives, needs, and desires.

It is true that we all have a mind, a body, and a heart, but that doesn't mean that these parts of us are identical to any one person on the planet. And so, what this leads to is a plethora of people living amongst one another and trying to live in harmony without much understanding as to why we say, do, and respond (or react) in the ways we do.

This is not to say that we can't have needs. It is important to distinguish between needs and expectations.

A need is a want or desire that you have identified to be something important for your self preservation. An expectation is defined as a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future or that someone will or should achieve something. Your need is based on a knowing truth you feel inside yourself, whereas an expectation is a belief based on imagination, not reality.

Needs are meant to be voiced and met. Expectations are illusions meant to be tamed.

When we have expectations of what another person is going to say or do, the result can be feeling hurt and disappointment. If we have expectations of what our life is going to be like and it turns out differently, the result can be much more painful as we experience feelings of sadness, despair, and hopelessness along with a lot of confusion.

In the years I've lived on earth thus far, there are a few things I've learned to embrace: change will happen, expect nothing, appreciate everything, and accept things just as they are.

After much trial and error, I have come to realize that every moment truly is a gift. Every experience I have is a combination of fortune and will. Certain things come my way effortlessly and well...other things, I have to will myself either with great or mild effort.

Rather than give my energy to focusing on how I wish something would have turned out differently or how I wish something were different in my current life, I make the conscious choice to give my energy to what is. If I'm not satisfied with my here and now, then I focus on being present to take the necessary actions required for change.

When we can live our life knowing and actually believing that we are in charge only to a certain extent and that the rest is and will unfold as it is supposed to, then we can stop placing expectations on others or having expectations of what we want from life.

The more you let go and become the observer of what people say and do or what happens in life, while dropping expectations, the more likely it is that things will naturally shift and come into sync. This way, living feels much like you are floating down a river and less like you are climbing over boulders that you yourself have placed on your path.